


You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy

by ObsidianRomance



Series: A Rockstar and his Model (or is it the Other Way Around) [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 08:49:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianRomance/pseuds/ObsidianRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based dianamartins' prompt from spnkink_meme: Jensen is a hugely successful rockstar who despairs that he has fallen into rockstar cliche and he wants to tap model Jared's ass. But Jared is a vapid model that flits from man to man, and every time they meet, Jared never remembers who Jensen is. Jared may be a ranked chess master who speaks three different languages, but he is also never in the country very long. In desperation (and he can't believe he is stooping to this), the one and only time they sleep together, Jensen pokes a hole in the condom. Three months later Jared is pregnant, and doing DNA tests of the entire Fortune 500. But, yeah, Jensen is going to put a ring on it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: cursing, rockstar!Jensen, model!Jared, bottom!jared, talk of mpreg, porn  
> Word Count: 5, 230  
> Rating: R - NC-17 (for porn at the end)  
> Banner: Made by the most wonderful and fabulous bt_kady
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/8091749277/)  
> 

Jensen’s band mates are never going to let him live this down.

Ever.

He’s fallen into the biggest cliché any rockstar can.

And the thing is, he doesn’t really give a shit.

He couldn’t really stop himself from stepping into this big mess of trouble even if he wanted to.  His mind is already too far gone with lust and the need to possess something so damn pretty.

Because, that is probably what Jared Padalecki is.  A giant heap of trouble that is more hassle than he is worth.

But Jensen finds himself panting over the hot piece of ass anyway.

It is not so much that Jensen is pining over another man.  That part is okay.  His band knows he is gay, so do most of his fans, even though his managers sometimes play him off as bisexual to make his female fans think they have a chance.  They also feel that it makes him look like more of a bad boy, like he doesn’t pay enough attention to gender roles and sexuality norms.

Jensen thinks it just makes him look confused.  He’s gay.  Not bi.  But whatever, if that is what they want.  Plus, he gets some form of mild amusement out of delusional female fans who think they can actually sway him back to heterosexuality.

It’s cute.

They are wrong though.

And with the thoughts currently running through his head, they have no idea how truly wrong they are.

Jensen needs to get his hands on Jared Padalecki, and not just the glossy photo versions of him he sees in print editorials.

The thing is, Jensen would have never laid eyes on Jared in the first place if his band, Bloodletting, didn’t sell out and decide to play during the Burberry runway show at a Fashion Rocks event in the UK.

Truth be told, Jensen doesn’t actually hate performing the over hyped, over glam, and overly lit runway show.  He gets to see pretty boys in pretty clothing looking all too _pretty_ and begging to be roughed up by him for a little while.  Plus, it pays well.

Still, it feels like selling out.  It is not exactly the devil-may-care lifestyle he held onto with a death grip when he sold his soul to music and never caring much about anything else

If anyone thinks his attitude is bullshit, they need to have a talk with his parents.  It’s genuine.  He really doesn’t give a shit about what people think about him

Except now he does.  He cares about what Jared Fucking Padalecki thinks about him.

Jared, all pretty and polished and thin but muscular in just the right way so that he can get away with looking like he’s been pulled out in a taffy stretcher

He also feels like a complete cliché for laying eyes on Jared’s lithe form in the middle of his set and actually forgetting the damn lyrics to the god damn song he wrote and has performed hundreds of times.

It was all because Jared glowered at him, made him feel like the only human being in the universe.  It only lasted for 10 seconds, but it was the first time Jensen’s heart got hung up on anything.

The rest of his set, though it probably goes unnoticed by the crowed, feels like a complete train wreck for him.  He brushes it off as unbridled energy, but he can’t think straight for the rest of the night.

What gets him through Bloodletting’s last song is convincing himself that the model who locked eyes with him is probably a complete airhead with absolutely no personality.  He probably isn’t even good in bed.

Turns out, Jensen is wrong, at least about the first part.  By the time they get to the after party, and people start clamoring over models and stop clamoring over him – thank god – he figures out just how much of an airhead Jared is not.

ared is up against a wall, leaning there like he is a necessary fixture that keeps the whole party running properly.  He’s not dressed in the skinny black dress pants and traditional Burberry button up he was wearing on the runway.  Instead, he is in something somehow sexily slinky, all black but with a deep v in the neck exposing an impeccably tan span of chest.  He isn’t speaking English, but Jensen makes out the definitive sounds of the French language as he gets closer.

Jensen goes to say something, a snarky remark on his tongue, but then Jared pries his attention away from the conversation they lock eyes again.  Jensen’s words die in his mouth.  This has never happened before and he has no idea what to do.  His dead words taste like a dead cat.

So instead of forcing a sound out of his mouth, he turns on his heels and storms away, knocking a tray of hors d’oeurves out of some poor screaming waitress’ hands and sending it clattering to the floor.

His band mates watch the whole thing.  They tease him for the rest of the evening and, based on how annoyed Jensen gets with them, they know he’s already got it bad for the newest piece of Burberry royalty.

By the time Jensen decides to shut them all up and finally try to talk to Jared again, all parties involved have been drinking.  He’s pretty toasted, but that type of liquid courage helps him forget the monstrosity of a first impression he made hours ago.

He checks his reflection in a mirrored wall hanging, realizes he probably has more eyeliner on than Jared did or does, he can’t remember.  He’s one of the only people at the party wearing old worn in jeans but he knows they look good on him, knows other people think so too.  He doesn’t usually care but suddenly he worries if Jared is going to give him a second chance at a first impression.

It only takes a few minutes to find Jared, but when he does, he is standing in the middle of the room.  He is actually alone for the moment, but he doesn’t look like it.  He doesn’t have that awkward look about him, like he is trying to figure out his next move.  He looks like he is waiting for his next move to come to him, like he is certain it will.

And Jensen must be that next move, because Jared gives him that stare again and Jensen almost goes speechless…again…almost.  Almost.

“Hi.” Oh my god, Jensen can’t believe he just opened with that.  He pretends to brush it off like he doesn’t care if Jared strikes up a conversation with him, only he does care. A. Lot.

“Hey.”  Jared’s fingers swirl a champagne flute and he gives Jensen a halfhearted sideways glance.  “You’re in that band that was playing during the Burberry show, aren’t you?  Blood Begging or something?”

Jensen pulls back.  No one has ever forgotten the name of his band, or at least didn’t care enough to sound like they knew the name.  His words come out in a snide reprimand.  “Bloodletting. Yeah.”

Jared lets the scolding roll off him, barely feeling it.  “Yeah, you’re the singer, right?”  He downs his champagne in one gulp and looks at Jensen expectantly.

“Yeah.  I-I’m Jensen.”

“Nice to meet you.  You’re band isn’t half bad.  It is a little choppy, but not bad.”

Not half bad?  Bloodletting is currently leading the pack in terms of authentic rock music.  They are better than ‘not bad’.  They’re pretty fucking fantastic.

Jensen goes to reply but someone tall dark and stereotypically good looking deposits another glass of champagne in Jared’s hand and hooks an arm around his waist.  Jensen just stands there blinking when ‘Tall Dark and Scumbag’ attacks Jared’s lips and kisses him like no one else is in the room.  When they break apart Jared downs his new glass of champagne and lets himself be tugged into another kiss again.

It is a visual slap in the face.  Jensen wants to pummel the shit out of the new guy and he has no idea why.

He never gets a chance to because the guy starts tugging Jared away from the party.

Jared lets out a laugh, a sound completely unexpected because of his size and prior composure.  It is almost giddy, which is probably the alcohol’s doing.   He looks over his shoulder before the stranger tugs him away.  “It was nice talking to you Benson.”

“Jensen”  He practically growls out the correction.

“Yeah, tha’s wha I said.”  Jared laughs again and is lost in the crowd so fast that Jensen can’t follow him if he wanted to.

Which he obviously doesn’t.  He wouldn’t follow that uninterested, rude, vapid creature if his life depended on it.  Nope.  Why would anyone want to chase after someone so ignorant, uninformed, haughty, tall…toned…..…tanned……………sexy…………………..delicious.

Shit.

Instead, Jensen drowns his failure in a perky 20 year old he finds waiting for him by their tour bus.  He normally has his pick of one night bed warmers, but his mind is too messed up from Jared’s complete dismissal of him that he doesn’t care to go looking for something else.  The boy is willing, and he is more than hot enough.

Jensen gives it to him hard for a while, fucks him into the side of their tour bus before hoisting him inside and screwing him silly.

When he finally comes it is with Jared’s name on his mouth, and the kid practically loses his shit.  He goes on a rant about deserving some respect and that his name is Kevin and he is Bloodletting’s biggest fan

Therein Jensen realizes his mistake.  You never sleep with the self proclaimed ‘biggest fan’; it is a stalker case waiting to happen.

Jensen sends Kevin on his way with the whole “you were great” song and dance.  Only, Kevin wasn’t great, he barely got Jensen there.  To be fair, pretty much nothing would at the current moment, because when Jensen closed his eyes all he saw was Jared flashing a smile at him and strutting the ass Jensen would much rather be seated in down the runway.

After cleaning himself up, Jensen vows to get his hands on Jared Padalecki, regardless of the man’s nonchalance.

He does his research, finding out every fact about the model he can get his hands on.  It turns out Jared is notorious for hot and heavy short term relationships.  Translation – he sleeps around.  That is okay with Jensen, he does too.  Besides, he can’t blame Jared.  He wants to screw the model six ways from Sunday so he imagines more than a handful of other people feel the same way.

Jared is apparently a pretty big name in the fashion world, which is an alien planet Jensen knows nothing about.  He must have come as a descendent from another race to bestow his dripping sex appeal and superiority on simple mankind.  The man has some high profile fashion names under his belt and there are blogs dedicated to following what he is doing, _who_ he is doing, and what he is wearing while doing so.

It is crazy

But it makes tracking Jared down relatively simple.

The trouble is, Jared is pretty much never in one place long enough for Jensen to get a decent chance at making a move.

They run into each other a few more times at various industry events, but Jared is being passed around between bigwigs and ‘Neo-Tall Dark and Scumbags’.  He flits from one man to another, moving so fast that Jensen is sure he’s gotten mixed up in some Jared-sized version of _Hot Potato._ By the time they finally run into each other in New York it is because they _literally_ ran into each other.

Jared is walking without looking ahead and Jensen is too busy brooding when they collide into each other.

“Oh, hey!  Jeremey!”  Jared’s eyes light up and he smiles.

“Jensen.”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”  Jared laughs.  “How are you?”

“I’m…” But Jensen never gets his sentence out because Jared is leaning into him and talking in a hushed voice.  His words aren’t partially sexy but Jensen can feel the heat of his breath coasting over his neck and it makes him shiver.

“How’s your band?  Blood Getting?”  Jared’s fingers toy with the burned out holes in Jensen’s black v-neck t-shirt.  He laughs again and Jensen can tell he’s been drinking.

“Bloodletting!”

“Yeah, that’s what I said.”  Jared shimmies closer, pressing up against Jensen in just the right spots.

Jensen’s anger doesn’t even have a chance to fester because Jared suffocates it with a well placed slotting of his thigh between Jensen’s legs and a slow lick of his lips.

“Jared!”

Jensen looks up and stops thinking with his dick long enough to notice a man who looks way too overdressed for an after party.   He is walking directly towards the two of them and yanks Jared off of his body.  It isn’t violent, just urgent

“Gdzie byłaś?”  The man looks at Jared and starts speaking in some language Jensen can’t comprehend.  It sounds harsh, but then Jared starts speaking back in it with an animated flurry.  The words sound prettier on his tongue and their conversation ends in Jared laughing.

“You can speak Russian?”  Jensen doesn’t realize he’s spoken out loud until Jared actually answers him.

“It’s Polish.”  Jared shrugs and goes back to a speaking in increasingly foreign sounding sentences.

“What the hell is going on?”  Jensen finds himself still standing there, staring like an afterthought and pissed off that someone has, yet again, derailed his attempt to get in Jared’s pants.

Jared turns to Jensen and smiles, perfect teeth shining in the dim mood lighting of the room.  Jensen realizes he likes Jared even better when he smiles so much.  It makes him look more human than the airbrushed perfection in the magazine or on the runway.

“Sorry, I’ve got to go.  I’ve got to make a flight for a runway show in Paris.”  Jared doesn’t give Jensen time to respond.  He composes himself enough to walk straight and blinks his eyes at Jensen for a moment before wetting his lips one more time.  “Bye Jason.”

And just like every other time before, Jared is whisked away from him before Jensen knows what his happening.

Jensen punches a wall, busts his knuckle but walks away laughing, because Jared may have still gotten his name wrong, but he is getting closer.

************

Weeks later, when Jensen has surrendered to living the rockstar cliché of dating the model worlds version of ‘the favor of the month’, he realizes that he needs to figure out a way to infiltrate the fortress of Padalecki.

He is lust-sick, he’s got it bad.

Got it so bad that he is jerking off in the shower to soggy print ads for Burberry’s new spring line.

No one has ever slipped through his fingers quite like Jared has.  The model is a fucking magician because he can simultaneously destroy Jensen’s cocky confidence and leave Jensen wanting him even more.

Jensen uses his frustration and angst to write new lyrics, dragging his band into the studio to create new music while he is feeling something so genuine.  The stuff they make is good.  It is really good.  But the literal working titles need some work because he doesn’t think tracks like “God Damn Pretty Male Models Make Me Want To Shoot My Brains Out” or “Seventy Ways To Fuck Jared Padalecki” and “Pretty Little Lips Around My Fucking Huge Dick” will go over too well.

The album is almost entirely about how frustrated he is at his inability to get Jared in bed.

It is pathetic.

It is going to be a hit.  Everyone thinks so.

He should feel proud that he focused his frustrations into doing something productive, only he feels a little creepy, like maybe he should just throw in the towel.  Or at least check into a psychiatric hospital to get some sort of help.  This feeling in his gut, in his brain, in his dick can’t be normal.  If this is what love at first sight feels like then it is extremely fucked up.

The worst part is, his band mates are eating this up.  They love finding the one thing that throws Jensen off kilter.

They are also loyal enough to their lead singer to come up with a plan to get him and Jared in the same room again.  If they are worried about the band's record sales than maybe they are going about this all wrong.  They should try to keep them apart because the reaction that produces is the equivalent of a musical flash flood.  It is intense.

Jensen doesn’t know how much scheming it involves, but somehow they get Bloodletting signed up to do a fashion photo shoot.  The band doesn’t actually have to do anything more than show up.  The plan is for them to play, or pantomime playing, while models pose dramatically around them.

It isn’t a coincidence that Jared is one of those models.

The morning of the shoot is a complete blur.  Jensen does his makeup in the morning but they redo it on set, making it more stark and hard to not take notice of it.  Jensen pretends to hate it but he secretly likes it.  He thought that much eye makeup would make him look ridiculous or too glam but it doesn’t, it somehow works.

Once on set they do their normal thing, the photographers aren’t going to tell them how to act like rockstars, it is _kind of_ what they do for a living.  It is a pretty easy gig, but then Jared walks onto the scene and Jensen goes all dumb in the face.

The photographer calls Jensen out on it immediately, which gives Jared a cocky kick to his step.

It is hard _not_ to look at Jared, all decked out in leather – _oh my god could this shoot be any more cliché_ – and wearing black eye makeup similar to Jensen’s.  He is shirtless but has some type of belt contraption strapped across his chest.  It is completely purposeless, but Jensen’s mouth waters.  Then Jensen remembers the shot could be more cliché; he, said rockstar, is drooling over the fresh model meat dangling in front of his dick.

Instead of focusing on Jared for the rest of the shoot, he looks at the practically naked blonde bombshell of a girl prancing around near him.  She is good looking but she kind of looks like a slutty version of his sister, which is perfect because it kills all desirable thoughts floating around in his brain immediately

By the time the shoot ends, he is pretty sure the blonde model thinks Jensen wants a piece of her ass.

That is not exactly the ass he has on the menu right now.

He brushes past her and makes a beeline for Jared, something crazy overcoming him and prompting him to slam the model up against the craft services table before crushing their lips together.

He knows he is being rough but he is afraid that if he doesn’t hold onto Jared tightly enough the man will find away to flit away again.

Jared, for his part, doesn’t resist.  He molds into Jensen like he was made to do this.  It doesn’t take long for the model to get one leg up and hooked around Jensen’s hips while Jensen grinds him into the edge of the table.  Rubbing against each other like that, they can't deny their arousal, they've both got hard-ons begging for attention.

“My place.  Right now.”  They are in New York, they are on his turf, Jensen calls the shots. Finally.

“Anything you want Jenny.”  Jared’s fingers curl into Jensen’s forearm and he opens his mouth more, letting Jensen’s tongue slip deeper and swallow any future discussion.

Jensen growls and grabs Jared by the hips and hoists him onto the edge of the table so the man can wrap both legs around him.  He pulls the hair at the base of Jared’s head, making Jared moan and kiss back greedily.

Someone is catcalling them and Jensen doesn’t stop making out with Jared when he gives the finger to the general direction of the sound.  Jared palms Jensen’s hardening length and tosses his head to the side, letting Jensen suck the skin there, mark him with red bruises.  Leaving something usually so pristine looking messy and used is invigorating. Jensen loves seeing _his_ marks there.

Somehow, they detach long enough to make their way to a hired car, making out the entire trip to Jensen’s place before repeating the same detachment procedure in order to actually enter Jensen’s flat.

In five seconds, Jensen gets Jared on his back where he belongs in the center of his bed.  The model is making all kinds of sounds that have Jensen coming undone faster than girls, and maybe boys, lose their panties at his shows.

He attacks Jared’s lips again, kissing them until they are red and puffy and begging to suck his dick.

Of course, Jensen lets him.  He wrote a whole damn song about this very moment, it isn’t like he can pass up having Jared suck him off.  He at least wants to make sure his song lives up to the real deal.

Only, the real deal is so much better.  Jared gets Jensen out of his clothing and is on his knees going to town on his dick in ways Jensen couldn’t even fathom.   It is really quite beautiful to see the model’s head bobbing down on him, to see his fingers twisted in Jared’s hair. Jared’s lips work over Jensen’s stiff length while his tongue licks into him and Jensen can’t stop himself from coming hot and hard down Jared’s throat.

And Jared fucking purrs as he swallows every drop down.  Purrs! He purrs like he wants this almost as much as Jensen does.

Which is impossible.  No one wants this more than Jensen.

Jensen’s brain short circuits and he leaves the land of the sane and living and delves into the world of crazy that Jared has forced him to reside in.  He needs to find a way to keep his pretty little model in one place, to keep him here in his bed.  It is more than just a physical connection; Jensen thrives being around the very essence that is Jared.

He knows his next thought is deranged but he makes the conscious decision anyway.  He’s going to get Jared pregnant.

It sounds crazy.

It is crazy.

But that is how Jared makes him feel.  After coming down the man’s throat he can’t think straight enough to see the extreme flaws in his plan.

All he can think is that by getting Jared pregnant he will tie them together forever.  What could go wrong with that plan?

So he leaves Jared licking his lips still kneeling on the floor in front of him and excuses himself to get some lube out of the bathroom.

He gets the lube, but he grabs a condom too.  Only, he stabs it right through the middle with one of the safety pins littering his sink.  He usually uses them to hold his clothing together, but their use at this moment is infinitely more important.  Before returning to Jared, who is making whining begging noises at this point, he stabs it several more times just to be efficient.

What he returns to stops him dead in his tracks and is enough to make him come a second time.

Jared must have found his other bottle of lube in the nightstand because he is arched in just a way that he can pump several of his own shimmering fingers in and out of his entrance.

Jensen has to swallow before remembering how to walk again.  He almost doesn’t want to disturb the scene because Jared looks better like that, writhing on his bed, than he has ever looked in a magazine or on a runway.  The key word is _almost_.

He lets Jared stretch himself for another minute or two before he gets on the bed, swats the model's hand away, and teases Jared’s entrance with his own newly lubed up fingers.  Jared lets out a hum of pleasure from the back of his throat and rolls up into Jensen’s body, nipping at the rockstar’s lips before making breathy panting noises.

It doesn’t take long before they are both hard and leaking, rubbing against each other in ways just short of giving them the release they both want.  Jensen’s fingers rub up against Jared’s prostate and the model yelps, forcing a litany of begs to fall out of his mouth.

Jensen has waited so long to have Jared in this position that he is almost afraid to get on with his whole plan because he wants to draw the moment out.  The things he is feeling about Jared are making him feel stupid and lightheaded because he has never felt like this about anyone before.  Ever.

The thought jolts him into action and he pulls away to roll the purposely defective condom down his length.  In one swift move, he gets one of Jared’s legs hiked over his shoulder and the other one around his waist as he lines up to push into the ass he’s been jerking off to for months.

“Come on Jensen, give it to me.”  Jared bites at his neck before licking over the bruise and giving a wanton moan.

The fact that Jared just got his name straight, said it just like that, like he’s known it and wanted it all along, makes Jensen’s heart stutter

“Mother of god….”  Jensen swoons for a moment before refocusing enough to slam into Jared, his action smooth but not gentle.  Jared is begging for it and he isn’t going to give the model some watered down version of just what type of sex he is capable of having.  Jared is going to get the whole package.  Literally.  He bottoms out in Jared’s tight channel and groans.  It feels so good and hot that moving seems like a shame, but then he draws out and slams back in, the movement increasing the pleasure.

Jared makes that purring noise again and scratches at Jensen’s back.  “Oh yeah…”  Jared's voice practically vibrates in Jensen's ears, the deep satisfaction in it filling every ounce of his consciousness.

Licking his lips, Jensen sets a rapid pace, pumping into Jared with long thorough strokes, jutting his hips at just the right angle to make sure he brushes up against Jared’s prostate every now and then.  With Jared’s leg hiked up that high over his shoulder, it is easy to drive into him in ways that made the model yelp and scream and beg for more.

Jared isn’t nearly as composed as he pretends to be in the modeling world

They keep up their pace, Jared reacting to every thrust and touch Jensen gives him, until everything builds up to the point of boiling over.  “I’m close baby.”  Jensen bites his lip at the last word for two reasons.  One –he shouldn’t be calling Jared by pet names, even though he really, _really,_ wants to. Two – A baby is just what he wants when he finally does come inside Jared.  It makes his gut twist up with nerves but when Jared begs for him to come, to show him just how good his ass makes him feel, Jensen loses control.

He snakes a hand between them to jerk Jared off with rough tugs, sliding his thumb over the leaking head and rubbing precome down the shaft.  The thrusting of his hips and pumping of his hand fall into time with each other and he coaxes Jared’s orgasm out of him just as he is about to come.

“Jensen!”  Jared digs his nails into the flesh under Jensen’s shoulder blades and he comes over the rockstar’s fist, coating their bellies with strands of sticky white.

The way Jared screams his name, coarse on his tongue from previous panting and begging, makes Jensen lose it completely.  He bucks hard, rutting as far as he can into Jared before coming.  He holds still as pulses of come fill the latex and – _hopefully_ – Jared’s body.

He doesn’t want to move, he wants to make sure he’s finished coming before even attempting that.  It leaves him hovering and sweaty over Jared’s body, both of them panting and trying to figure out how to refocus their vision.  Jared looks blissed out, a complete mess on the bed below him but he has never looked more gorgeous.  Jensen curses under his breath before laughing.  “You are so god damn pretty.”

“Of course I am.”  Jared bites his own lip before arching up and catching Jensen’s mouth in a sloppy greedy kiss.

Jensen groans and closes his eyes, surrendering to the kiss and losing himself to the feeling of Jared nipping and sucking at his lips.  Jared bites down and tugs at his lip ring and _oh my god how does he know how to do that_.  He growls and rolls them, they end up with Jensen still sheathed inside Jared but Jared perched on Jensen’s hips, straddling him and keeping both palms flat on Jensen’s chest for balance.  “You’re much prettier when you're on my dick like that.”

Jared rolls his shoulders back and smirks.  “I bet you say that to all the supermodels you fuck.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Ugh!”  Jared slaps at him, but it is halfhearted and they end up rolling along the bed, mock fighting for control.  Jensen wins, but by this time it isn’t much of a victory because he slips out of Jared’s body.  He has Jared pinned but the model is facing away from him, which is why he doesn’t see what Jensen sees

The condom broke.

It isn’t a shock.  But Jensen still stares at it in disbelief for a moment.  He yanks it off with his free hand and throws it to the corner of his room where Jared won’t catch sight of it.

They go silent, each person pretending that what just happened meant nothing to either one of them.  Jensen has no idea what it meant to Jared, but the model isn’t making a move to get up.  He wiggles his ass backwards into Jensen’s cooling body and the only thing Jensen can do is pull him closer, fitting their bodies together.

Jensen wants their fuck session to mean more than just sex, but he has no idea if it actually does.  It is why he doesn’t move.  Because, if their time together means nothing, he is going to take these last few hours as a gift.

He doesn’t know who falls asleep first, but when he wakes a few hours later, his belly is cold, the Jared shaped space heater having gone missing.  His flat is empty and the sheets besides him have long lost their warmth.

There is a small slip of paper left on the pillow.  He grabs it and has to blink several times before being able to get enough sleep out of his eyes to actually read it.

_Jenny,_

_Thanks for the rockstar treatment.  I’m off to Berlin.  I would have woken you to say goodbye but, honestly, what would the point have been?  See you ‘round._ _\- Jared_

Jensen reads it again, trying to figure out how Jared can still get to him through written words.

He puts the note on the nightstand and crosses his arms over his eyes in an attempt to keep the morning light out.

Hopefully, Jared doesn’t know what is about to hit him.  Hopefully, Jensen will be seeing _a lot_ more of Jared around.  Just the thought of his plan working makes Jensen smirk.

If not, he has another album worth of feelings to get to work on.

But he’s not ready to think about that option yet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: cursing, rockstar!Jensen, model!Jared, bottom!jared, mpreg!Jared  
> Word Count: 2,890  
> Rating: PG-13  
> Beta: bt_kady

Jared leans forward and rests his head on the edge of the makeup table in front of him, exhaling loudly as he tries to ground himself.

He wants to die.

Not literally, but he’d like to come reasonably close to it without actual loss of life.

A thump on the back of his head gets his attention and he flinches.  “Ouch!”  He pulls up sharply to come face to face with James’ aggravated scowl.

“You better not be ruining the makeup I just spent the last thirty minutes perfecting.”  James puts a hand on his hip and practically waggles his whole body at Jared in admonishment.

“Calm the fuck down.  I’m not ruining anything.”  Jared closes his eyes and scrunches up his features as a feeling he had been fighting all morning starts to creep over him.

“You look like shit.”

“Yeah, thanks for that.”  Sighing, Jared forces his eyes open again and stares at the makeup artist.

“And you have a damn line across your forehead.  Why the hell were you leaning on the table in the first place?” James pulls Jared so that he sits upright in the chair and hastily applies some damage control airbrushing.

“Seriously?  It is much more stimulating than you.” Jared snorts against James’ quickly moving palm and surrenders to the makeup attack.

“Bitch.” James punctuates the insult with another thump to the head.

Jared tries to sit still, knowing twitching will just prolong this part of his job, but he can’t help it.  He feels like the world is spinning and he has to open his eyes.  He gets an eyeful of airbrush but that isn’t the most concerning realization.  The nausea hits him again, hard and unstoppable.  He practically kicks James out of the way and scrambles, long limbs moving in ungraceful grasps of the distance between the makeup chair and a garbage can.

Jared hates throwing up.

He knows no one actually likes it, but he is pretty sure no one hates it as much as he does.

It’s the most unglamorous thing that his body is capable of doing.

He’s thrown up more than his fair share of times, drank too much on mostly every occasion, but it doesn’t mean he likes throwing up just because he seems to do it a lot.

But this is different.

He hasn’t had a drink in weeks, and he’s been working out like a mad man.  He should be feeling on top of his game, healthy, and clear headed.  Only, he feels like crap and can’t think straight to save his sexy ass.  The damn pants wardrobe put on him must be cut too small, and something from his breakfast must be making him feel like shit.

But that doesn’t explain why he’s been throwing up for a week. 

He really, really, _really_ cannot get sick right now.  He has a multi-show, multi-country contract to make good on and he doesn’t want to face the consequences for having to break that.

He’s opening and closing the new Burberry show and he’s worked too hard to have his ass handed to him now.

His stomach doesn’t care what he wants; it rebels, lurches, and spills its contents into the simple black pail Jared has a death grip on.

“Ewww!”  James practically squeals and backs up on his tippy toes like a rat just ran across his path.  “That’s disgusting!”

Jared pays him no attention.  He’s too busy retching into the pail again, gagging even more because of his intense hatred of everything he’s currently feeling.

He falls back down to the floor, landing on his ass with an ungraceful thud.  The position makes his pants dig in at the waist but he is too disoriented to deal with the discomfort.

“What the hell was that?”  Creeping out from the corner, James takes tentative steps towards the model.

“I’m fine.  Thanks for asking.”  Jared blots at his mouth with the back of his hand, impressed that he somehow managed to ‘neatly’ throw up.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.”  James waves his hand in the air.  “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I don’t know.  Nerves, I guess.”  Pushing up from the ground, Jared takes a step towards the makeup artist.  He feels surprisingly better.

“Bullshit.  This isn’t your first rodeo.  You don’t get nervous.  You act like you fucking own the place half the time.  You’re not nervous.”  James’ stare of disbelief becomes one of understanding as a light bulb goes off behind his eyes.  “Ohhhh, Jared, seriously, just don’t eat it if you don’t want the calories.”

Eyes going wide, Jared blinks in shock.  “What?”

“I’ve seen this song and dance before but I never expected it from you.”

“Oh god, James! No!  I’m not bulimic.  I didn’t eat anything more than an egg white omelet and some fruit.  I don’t _need_ to throw up anything.”  Jared pushes past the man, shaking his head in frustration and breezing out of hair and makeup.  He isn’t bulimic, never has been.  He’s smart enough to know what that does to one’s body and he isn’t ever going to pay that price.

Still, he decides to skip lunch.

It is only 9a.m. and he has a long day ahead of him.  With a photo shoot and two runway shows to put under his belt before the day is over, he is going to cut all chances of throwing up down by whatever means available. 

No eating.

He checks himself in the mirror in a brief moment of solitude before he becomes the puppet being manhandled by too many people who all want to be the head bitch in charge, but Jared isn’t worried about them.  James was right, this isn’t his first rodeo.  He’s used to being a life-sized dress up doll, used to the attention and the focus being on him.

But he isn’t accustomed to the reflection looking back at him.

He looks beautiful, put together so that he looks airbrushed and more perfect than most people could aspire to.  But his eyes look dead.  It’s the first time in a while he is afraid of what he is looking at.

He’s so fucking tired that he isn’t sure what is going to give out first: the runway show or his legs.

There isn’t any more time to think; his manager finds him and tugs him back into the circus currently orchestrated in some form of organized chaos behind the scenes.  He focuses on the fact that he’s opening _and_ closing the show; he has to be _on_. 

Getting shoved in line, he shakes his body out to let his normal nonchalant stage persona take over.  He barely has a minute to be reacquainted with that part of himself before the weird seasick feeling he’s been battling all day sneaks up on him again.  Losing all composure he stumbles, letting both hands fly to his mouth in a physical attempt to keep the nausea from rising any higher than his gut.

It’s a fruitless attempt because he breaks out of the line up and vomits into a large bin to his left.  Jared has no idea what the bin’s original purpose is, nor does he care, because he is too busy gagging, his eyes tearing up as he lurches forward.

“Jesus, Jared.”

Though shaky, Jared is still on his feet.  He’s gripping the bin so tightly that it’s shaking along with him, but he finds a way to stand on his own again and faces the runway manager’s shocked and disgusted face.

“Are you bulimic or something?”  Clive curls his lip in distaste.

Staring at the manager like he’s grown a second head, Jared scoffs.  He tries to look powerful despite the fact that pretty much the entire runway staff just watched him fall to pieces as he threw up.  “No!”

“Well, maybe you should be.”  The man uncrosses his arms and pinches at Jared’s barely there middle.

Eyes going wide, Jared is stunned.  “What?”

Giving a cocky smirk and feigning innocence, Clive shakes his head.  “What?  I didn’t say anything.”  He tosses a look to the model slated to follow Jared as second in line.  She’s chomping at the bit to throw Jared under the bus.  “I didn’t say anything, right Anna?”

“You?  Nope, I didn’t hear anything.”  Anna is staring directly at Jared as she answers the question, devious smile plastered on her face.

Rolling his eyes, Jared pushes past her with more force than necessary and returns to his rightful place.  “Whatever.”  He looks over his shoulder and shoots daggers at Clive.  It’s less than a minute to Showtime and he has more important things to focus on than some asshole who’s clearly still bitter about not being able to get into his pants.

“Just don’t fuck this up.”

“I never do,” Jared sneers for a moment before refocusing himself.

He never fucks up.

Never.

He’s flawless.

But then again, he’s never thrown up twice in an hour without a logical, or alcoholic, reason for it.

He gets a jab in the back and marches out onto the runway, a complete professional on the outside despite the fact that he’s barely holding it together inside.

He gets through all his passes.  Changes garments, struts his stuff again.  It’s all routine, all something honed and perfected and he knows he’s damn good at it, knows everyone is staring at him.

Only, when he makes his final pass down the runway, he is almost cracking at the seams.  Jared hopes people take his expression to be one of haughtiness, but really, it’s just grim determination to not fall the fuck down.

He probably looks angry, and people probably think he’s brooding, but behind his clenched jaw is the thought that he _has_ to keep stepping until he is safely backstage.

The backstage staff parts as Jared stomps off the runway.  They want to clap but instead take a practically simultaneous shocked inhale as Jared’s eyes roll back and he drops like a lead weight.

**********

Jared’s eyelashes flutter several times before he actually opens his eyes, and they focus.  He licks dry lips and squints as his eyes adjust to the brightness of the room.

He runs a hand over his face, but feeling an unnatural weight to it, looks down to see an I.V. needle fitted in his vein, the tube leading to it taped down at the injection site.

“What the hell?”  There is panic, but he’s still too out of it to do little more than push himself up on the bed.  Looking around, he realizes he isn’t in a hospital or a doctor’s office.  He is still somewhere in the giant caravan of the Burberry show, in a medical trailer he’d only visited once for a rolled ankle.  He’s on a small medical cot, but aside from the I.V. bag and some other machine to his right, the room is harmless looking, almost sparse.

“Jared, you’re back in the realm of the living.”  Mike, a doctor who Jared feels looks like he could be walking the runway himself, makes himself known and pushes away from the counter at the side of the room.

“Yeah, kind of wish I wasn’t right now.”  Jared’s head spins from pushing into a sitting position so quickly.  He closes his eyes and groans.  “What happened?”

“You passed out.”  Mike’s tone is serious as he looks down at Jared.

“I know.  I figured that part out.”  Rubbing the back of his head, Jared hisses.  Doing a quick scan of his body, Jared realizes he is in a t-shirt and drawstring pants.  They aren’t his, and he isn’t sure if he wants to know whose they are or where they came from.  Aside from the obvious pain from his dead weight falling to the ground, he doesn’t appear beaten up enough to warrant an I.V.

“You’re dehydrated.  Severely so.”  Tapping the I.V. line, Mike sighs.  “That’s why I have you hooked up to some fluids.”

“Dehydrated?”  Jared’s brain rolls over the word.  It makes sense.  He hadn’t kept anything solid down all day, and it was worse with liquids.  “So...that’s it?”

“Well, yeah…I guess ‘ _that’s it.’_ But seriously,” Mike looks at Jared with a mix of admonishment and concern, “I would think that you’d know better, letting yourself get dehydrated like that while you’re pregnant.”

Jared chokes on a reply, all possible retorts swallowed by the shock making his eyes wide.  “Say again?”

Mike stares at Jared for a minute before pulling back, giving him a queer look.  “You didn’t know how important it is to stay hydrated while pregnant?”

“Pregnant?  I’m not pregnant.”  Jared furrows his brow and holds up a hand towards Mike, as if trying to ward off his news.

Mike’s eyes go wide as pieces click into place.  “Ohh….OHH! You didn’t know?  Jared!  How on earth did you not know you’re pregnant?”  It’s Mike’s eyes’ turn to widen in disbelief.

“ _Because I’m not pregnant_.”

“You are, through; the ultrasound clued me in.”  He blindly points to the machine Jared noticed earlier.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Jared gets a crazed look in his eyes.  “That isn’t possible.”  His adrenaline spikes and his mind overflows with thoughts of what being pregnant could mean for him.  That wasn’t in the cards; he wasn’t supposed to do this for a long time yet.  He had contracts to make good on, promotional appearances that required him to wear and say just the right thing.  Things a pregnancy, no matter how wonderfully he carried, would definitely get in the way of.

“Jared, I know you think you control the world, but you do know that you _actually_ don’t, right?”  Mike rolls his eyes, sighs, and flips on the ultrasound machine.  Without warning he yanks the sheet off of Jared’s middle and rucks up his shirt.

“What the hell are you doing?”  Jared tries to push Mike’s hands away but the doctor is unrelenting.

“I’m proving you wrong,” Mike grabs the transducer from the ultrasound cart and smears an abundance of gel on it, “for once.”

Jared stares at Mike as he rolls the wand over his stomach, watching the man frown at the screen as he has trouble finding what he’s searching for.  It goes on for what feels like hours but is probably only a minute before Jared lets some of his initial panic recede.  Mike pushes down harder on the transducer and Jared grunts before presenting Mike with a ‘told-you-so’ grin.  “See, I’m not…”

“Pregnant!” Mike turns the screen so Jared can see it more clearly.  “Pregnant.  Right there.”  With his free hand he points to a blob on the screen.

Jared’s words fall out of his mouth as he stares at the screen.  He has no idea what Mike’s seeing, has no idea what a baby looks like via ultrasound, but he knows what the little pulsing static means.  He’s seen that one too many times on TV. or movies.  There’s no doubt in his mind that it’s a heartbeat.

And it isn’t _his_ heartbeat.

It’s something else, something in his abdomen.  “Oh, my god!”  Jared falls back onto the bed, pressing a hand over his eyes.  “I’m pregnant.”  Cocky attitude giving way to panic, Jared shoots back up, the cot shaking from his sudden movement.  “You didn’t say anything to anyone, did you?”

Mike turns the ultrasound off and drops the transducer to the side.  “No.  And I wouldn’t, you know that.”

“Okay…good.”  Wheels in his head turning, Jared puts both hands over his gel smeared abdomen.  He looks at Mike, stating the obvious but still sounding completely shocked.  “I’m fucking pregnant!”

Any pride earned from proving Jared wrong moments ago dissipates, and Mike gives the model a weak smile.  “Yeah, you are.”

“Shit.”  Jared gently digs his fingers into the flesh at his belly.  Things make sense; he shouldn’t have such a hard time accepting Mike’s diagnosis.  Still, it feels like he’s on another planet.  “How pregnant?”

“That really isn’t my area of expertise.  You’d have to go see someone else to be sure, but more than six weeks.  Maybe around eight?”  Mike sighs, “You really didn’t know?”

“Do I look like I knew?”  Jared’s head is back to spinning.  There are a million thoughts colliding into one another but the blaringly nerve-wracking one sticks out.  He has no idea who the baby’s other father is.

Not really.

He could guess…maybe.

Sighing, Jared knows himself better than to think he would get rid of this child.  He won’t, even though blinking it out of existence would make his world run a little smoother at the moment.  But he doesn’t have time for thoughts like that right now.

Right now, he has a day’s worth of phone calls to make…well, a day’s worth if he actually had phone numbers.

But he does have a personal assistant and a good idea where he can find most of the men who fit Mike’s timeframe.

It’s a shame he’s landed himself in a situation where he could really use an abundance of caffeine.  He’s going to need it if he’s about to trek across the globe to find his baby’s daddy.

He’ll be damned if he raises this kid on his own.

Not that he couldn’t… but still… he’d like to make it someone else’s problem too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: cursing, rockstar!Jensen, model!Jared, bottom!jared, mpreg!Jared, PORN  
> Word Count: 6,671  
> Rating: R - NC-17  
> Beta: bt_kady

“Holy shit, Jen.  Someone knocked your lover boy up.”  Billy tosses the gossip magazine he’s been reading in Jensen’s general direction, landing the glossy pages with a thud on the vocalist’s chest.

Jensen’s eyes pop open, pupils blown wide with shock from the revelation.  He scrambles to sit upright on the couch he was sprawled out across moments ago.  The boy – Andy/ Sandy/Randy, whatever – who was unsuccessfully trying to keep Jensen’s interest, falls to the floor.  Jensen doesn’t give him a second thought, deaf to his complaints; he wasn’t doing much to entertain Jensen anyway and he’s barely hard.

Bloodletting is _supposed_ to be recording a new song for a horror movie soundtrack but someone got their wires crossed and so, instead of recording, they’re sitting around waiting for some executive or producer or someone that Jensen has no intention of listening to.

In a change of events from their recent recordings, the song has nothing to do with Jensen’s pining love affair with Jared.  Or maybe it does…if Jared was a supernatural creature who ripped out Jensen’s heart and kept it as a play toy.

Maybe the song actually is about Jared.

But the magazine in Jensen’s hands is definitely about Jared.  Jensen scans the eye-catching cover and finds that most of it is dedicated to a picture of Jared.  The model is wearing dark sunglasses and is avoiding looking directly at the camera, but that isn’t what Jensen notices first.  The rocker’s eyes fall on the tiny swell of a stomach Jared’s tight shirt isn’t even attempting to hide.  The text accompanying the photo, _THE SEARCH FOR JARED PADALECKI’S MYSTERY BABY DADDY_ , is written in capitals, visually shouting at his eyes like it is in his brain.

“Fuck…”  Jensen’s hands scramble to find the correct page, flipping the magazine in both directions until he lands on the right page.  In an attempt to make as much sense of the situation as he can, his eyes scan over the article.

It’s the first real tidbit he’s heard about Jared in over a month.  Bloodletting’s tour schedule and Jared’s crazy modeling gigs have left both of them in different countries for most of the past three months.  They haven’t crossed paths – at all.  After their mind blowing, apparently – _hopefully_ – impregnating sex, Jensen lost track of Jared.  Without any means of communicating with him, Jensen had to make do with public knowledge of Jared’s location and gossip blogs.

He feels like even more of a creep because he can’t deny that he’s mostly looking for information about their hookup.

He doesn’t find any, but Jensen hopes the model thinks about him at least half as much as he does Jared.

Just because he’s been too busy with the band and touring doesn’t mean that Jensen has, by any means, moved on from his ridiculously clichéd love affair with Jared.  He hasn’t.  He has just been focusing on other things to keep the crazy at bay.

So now, seeing the article with his own eyes, his stomach does crazy flip-flops.

Jared’s pregnant

Three months pregnant.

The time line fits and it is deliciously suiting that Jared has no idea who the baby’s father is.  The article says that Jared is putting half of the Fortune 500 and a handful of other names through DNA testing but still hasn’t found a match.  It means that there is a huge possibility the baby is Jensen’s.  The thought fills Jensen with conflicted emotions.  There is the overlay of the obvious, the elation and heart pounding excitement that his plan potentially worked.  But then there’s a cold chill down his spine because _his plan potentially worked_.  Jared’s going to _kill_ him…if Jared even decides to speak to him again.

Not speaking to Jared might be worse than death.

There is no conceivable way that he can sell this accident as a good thing to Jared.  Hell, this outcome isn’t even technically an accident.  All possible explanations point to Jensen being a crazed lunatic.

It is just wrong and creepy and Jensen has no idea why he didn’t think about this issue when he decided to poke holes in a condom.

Oh yeah, that’s right, he _wasn’t_ thinking.

Well he was thinking, but mostly with his dick.

So despite the excitement, Jensen has a lot of practice groveling to do.  He is sure there is a way to spin this issue so that Jared won’t think he is crazy.  There had to be a way for Jared to see that he did it because he’s head over the heels, lust drunk, 100% committed to being in Jared’s life.

The more Jensen thinks about it, the more he realizes there is absolutely no way to make what he did look sane and rational.  Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if Jared tries to take some type of legal action against him.

That’s why he decides on the only real option.  He’s going to lie.  Just this once.

He’s going to lie because that is how much he needs to make sure Jared lets him back into his life.

Hopping off the couch, Jensen tries to make his way to his abandoned iPad, tripping over Andy/Sandy/Randy in the process.  The boy scowls at Jensen as he walks by but Jensen is too interested in pulling up one of the blogs that follows Jared’s movements

It turns out Jared is actually in the United States at the moment, California to be specific.  California’s a much more feasible plane ride from New York than Australia or whatever country feels like stealing the model away.

He doesn’t think twice before grabbing his messenger bag from the floor and shouldering it after shoving his iPad inside.  He rolls his eyes, almost in disbelief at what he is about to do.

He stomps off, tugging his sweatshirt hood up as he breaks into a brisk walk towards the exit.

“Jensen?  Where the hell are you going?”  Bloodletting’s manager is drawn out of his reading by Jensen’s explosion of movement.

“Out.”  Jensen doesn’t bother turning around.  He catches his drummer, Hal’s, knowing look as he brushes past and is certain his band is going to hold this against him for the rest of his life.  Hal lets out a laugh that really makes Jensen want to punch him but he has bigger plans.

“You can’t be serious, Jensen.”  The manager stands up in a huff and stares indignantly at the back of the singer’s form.

“Deadly.”  Jensen gives him a glance then, but it’s one of defiance, eyebrows raised and lips curled into a smirk.

Looking towards Jensen’s band mates for help but receiving only indifferent stares, the man changed tactics.  “Jensen, get your ass back here right now or you’ll be breaking some pretty hefty contract deals.”

“Don’t really give a shit right now.”  Jensen pushes through the door, jumps into his hired car and directs his driver to hightail it to JFK airport as quickly as possible.

*****

It turns out that trying to get in touch with Jared is a lot harder than Jensen anticipated.

In most cases, in most worlds, Jensen has no problem getting exactly what he wants.  It is a luxury provided to him due to his celebrity status.  It is even easier to get what he wants sometimes because he is the bad boy of rock, and people seem to melt under the promise of something dangerous.  But that ease of people bending to his whims doesn’t seem to overlap into the model world.

The truth is, Jensen isn’t all that dangerous, but he will be if Jared’s fucking handlers don’t let him talk to the model in the very near future.

After flying across the entire country, Jensen ran out of patience hours ago.

It makes him do something utterly stupid.  He gets up from where he’s been fidgeting while waiting and bursts through the doors he was specifically told _not_ to go through.

What he finds is Jared in a three-piece suit, wearing some weird top hat thing that makes him look like he is stuck in a time-fuck of two different centuries.  The set Jared is posing in is impressive, and the outfit and the way Jared is twisting make it hard to notice Jared’s pregnancy.  Besides, the slightest hint of it isn’t something airbrushing couldn’t take care of.  Jensen has no idea what the photographer is going for, but Jared looks so damn pretty that he almost forgets his original plan and marches right towards the man to attack his parted lips.

“Johnny!”

“Jenny...Jensen!”  The correction is automatic and Jensen can’t believe he actually used the nickname Jared once used on him as an automatic response.

Someone grabs Jensen around the waist and tugs him back towards the door.  He snarls and thrashes but the person who has him from behind is bigger and stronger than Jensen.

The mood in the room is ruined and Jared shakes his head as he comes out of the scene.  His voice echoes in the room, drawing everyone’s attention to him.  “Relax!”

“You know this asshole?”  Jared’s bodyguard pulls Jensen up with more force than necessary, prompting Jensen to shoot daggers from his eyes.

“Yes.  He’s the lead singer of a band, Bloodbetting or something.”  Jared steps over the sets props and comes closer to Jensen.

“Bloodletting!”  Jensen rolls his eyes and struggles, stumbling forward when the bodyguard lets go of him unexpectedly.

“Yeah, Bloodletting.  That’s what I said.”  Jared blows a piece of hair out of his face and plants his hands on his hips.  “What are you doing here, Jensen?”  He rolls his head back in a semi-circle and straightens his spine.

Jensen’s mouth goes dry.  It is almost an exact repeat of the first conversation he had with Jared.  “Hi.”

Jared raises an eyebrow.  “Hello.  Now do you care to tell me why you’re making a fool out of yourself?”  He pulls the hat from his head and runs a hand through his hair.

Jensen has trouble doing more than blinking and breathing at the same time.  He hasn’t been in Jared’s presence since he had him panting underneath him and that same desire is bubbling up in his gut.  He feels like a sex-crazed schoolboy.  It’s completely irresponsible of him at this moment, but with Jared staring at him in wait of an answer, the only thing he can muster is, “You’re pregnant.”

Jared’s hands momentarily presses to his middle.  The movement is over in less than a second but Jensen catches it.  “So you’ve heard?”  He watches Jensen nod dumbly before continuing.  “You surely didn’t burst in here simply to tell me that I’m pregnant.”

“No – I wanted to tell you…”  Jensen swallowed, feeling the pressure of too many sets of eyes on him.  He tried to focus on the only pair that mattered: Jared’s.  “I think that maybe I’m pregnant, that I’m pregnant with you, that you’re pregnant with me.  That we…”  Jensen shook his head and tried to figure out how to get his words out correctly.  Jared was staring at him in confusion, narrowing both eyes at him.  “I think that maybe you’re pregnant with my baby.”

Face contorting, Jared grabs Jensen’s hand none too gently and tugs him into the corner where other ears can’t pick up their conversation.  He’s looking at Jensen like he’s overlooked something and cursing under his breath.

Jensen regains some of his composure, the fact that he’s thrown Jared off making him feel more in control of his own actions.  It makes him know that Jared isn’t the only one who can throw someone off guard.  “You know I might be.”

“Yeah…yeah…I guess you could be.”  Jared presses his lips together and bites his lower lip.  He fidgets and starts to unbutton his suit jacket, shucking it off and preventing it from hiding his tiny belly.

“I think I am.”  Jensen steps forward but Jared gives him a strange look.

“Listen…I’ve slept with a lot of people…”

“So have I.”  Jensen has no idea why he feels the need to tell Jared that, but for some reason he wants the man to know that they can both play this game.

“Oooookaaay…”  Jared raises one eyebrow before continuing.  “I’ve slept with a lot of people.  What makes you think that this baby’s yours?”

Jensen swallows and his eyes dart around the room to see how many people are _really_ not paying attention to them and how many are feigning it.  “Because, we slept together three months ago, and…” Closing his eyes, he makes a promise that he is only going to lie to Jared this one time.  He promises that he will never do it again.  He also convinces himself that it is only a half lie, an embellishment of the truth.  “And the condom broke.”

“It WHAT?"

Jensen’s shrugs, his words coming out as more of a question.  “The condom broke?”

Running both hands through his hair, Jared paces in one circle before facing Jensen again.  “And you didn’t think to, _I don’t know_ , tell me this months ago?”  Jared’s eyes flash with anger behind them, his lip curling.

“Well, I would have.” This time Jensen turns on the anger.  He knows he has no right to feel it and he plans on feigning it to go along with the lie.  “Only I didn’t realize it till morning, and by then you were already gone without any way for me to contact you.”  Jensen scowls, realizing that maybe his anger was more than feigned.  The hurt Jensen feels at being left so suddenly, regardless of how many people he left in a similar way, may run deeper than he thought.

“Yeah, well…”  Jared’s words drop off.  He has no answer.  Jensen has a point that he can’t argue with.  “Well!”  He huffs and his hands return to his hips, not sure what to do with them.

Jensen lets Jared stew in his own anger for a moment.  It’s cute, actually, seeing the man pout and snort in frustration.  Eventually, Jared composes himself enough to look like some semblance of his model self.  Shoving both hands in his pocket, Jensen rocks back on his heels.  “I read you were having DNA tests run so I came here to offer up mine.”

“You came all the way here because you _might_ be my baby’s father?”  Jared’s face softens.

“Yeah.”  Jensen can’t help himself, he smiles at the model.  He may be a bad boy or rebellious, but he isn’t irresponsible.  He does the right thing.  “So can we do this thing then?  Because I really want to know the answer.”

“ _You_ want to know the answer?”  Jared grabs Jensen’s hand, the connection sending sparks through the rocker’s body.  “Take a number, Jenny.”  Jared leads him out of the studio, past people giving them crazy looks and inquiries about their actions

Jensen follows like a puppy and he is about to roll over and beg.  Jared’s fingers are holding tight and Jensen wants to kick himself for being so lust drunk so soon.  He’ll give Jared anything he wants if this baby is his, probably still would even if it isn’t.  But he isn’t going to play that card just yet.  Right now, he is going to play the willing DNA sample card.

********

After Jensen gets a phone call from Jared two days later, he winds up at the very same studio as when he first arrived in California.  Jared’s in the middle of reshooting the editorial that Jensen’s arrival interrupted

It looks like they are going to have to reschedule it again because the moment Jensen walks in the door, this time not accosted by bodyguards, Jared breaks the scene and stomps in the rocker’s direction.

Jared rips the top hat from his head and throws it carelessly to the side, much to wardrobe’s dismay.  Jared’s face is hard as he squares his stance in front of Jensen and punches him in the face.

he contact sends Jensen reeling and snaps his head to the right.  Turning back to Jared, his eyes wide in surprise, he wiggles his jaw to realign it.  “What the hell, Jared?”

“You bastard!”  Jared’s nostrils flare and he snorts.  “I should rip that lip ring right out of your smug face.”

Jensen’s eyebrows shoot up.  “Jared…?”

“Do you have any idea how many shows I’ve had to cancel?  How many campaign contracts I had to break?  How many sentences with the word _scandal_ in them my name is now attached to?”  Jared’s chest is rising and falling with his anger.

“Jared, what the hell are you talking about?”

“The baby’s yours, Jensen.”  Jared’s face shifts, showing signs of anger, confusion, and acceptance all at the same time.

“It is?”  Though he thought as much, hearing the words coming out of Jared’s mouth still shock Jensen.

“Yeah, it is 99.9999999,” Jared drawled on with the word ‘nine’ while making wild hand gestures, “percent certain that it’s yours.”

Jensen swallowed loudly.  It was the answer he’d been hoping for, but Jared’s reaction was not.  He let out a nervous laugh, sucking in his lip ring and toying with it absently.  “Okay…so it’s mine.”  He looked up at Jared and met the model’s conflicted eyes.  “And you don’t want it to be…”

“What?  No!”  Jared folds both hands over his middle.  “I just don’t…”

“You don’t want the baby?”

“No!”  Jared’s eyes go wide and he pulls back in shock that Jensen even asked the question.  “No!  I want the baby.  Oh, god…I want this baby.”  Sighing and raising his hands in defeat, he spins on his heels and storms off in the direction of a corridor

Jensen lets him go for a moment before darting after him.  He makes his way down a hallway, glaring at anyone who even thinks of trying to stop him.  Ducking his head into several rooms, he finds them all empty until he comes to a room at the end of the hall.  Jared is sitting in front of a mirror wiping makeup from his face.  When Jensen enters the room, Jared swings his face towards the doorway, giving the rocker a clear view of his tear-stained cheeks.

Guilt hits Jensen hard in the gut.  Essentially, this actually is _all_ Jensen’s fault.  He didn’t think how much his selfish decision would derail Jared’s life.  Needing to make it right, he grasps at every attempt to put Jared’s life back on track.  “It’s okay…it’s okay if you don’t want the baby.”  It is hard to get the words out because Jensen really wants this baby, but he would want it more if Jared did too.

“Oh god, Jensen, is that what you think this is about?”  Jared tosses his makeup wipe in the trash before brushing his eyes with the back of his hand.  “Because it’s not.”  He stays seated in the makeup chair, staring at his own reflection.  “I want this baby.  I want to raise it.  I want you to as well.  I just wish,” he sniffs and pulls himself out of his dejected posture before looking at Jensen, “I just wish that it wasn’t happening right now.  I don’t even know you.”

Again, the guilt hits Jensen.  He doesn’t know where to start or how to make things better; his heart speeds up when he realizes Jared wants him to be a part of the baby’s life as well.  “Jared….I’m sorry.”

“I’m not really mad at you Jenny, just the situation.  Don’t be sorry.  It’s not like you did it on purpose, right?”

Jensen pales and chokes on a response.  “R-r-right.”  He crosses his arms over his chest and takes a closer step towards Jared.  “Well, I’m sorry that you had to pull out of modeling jobs.”

Jared lets out a laugh, earning him a look of confusion from Jensen.  “It’s not as bad as I blew it up to sound.  I might end up thanking you.  I lost a ton of high fashion jobs but when news of my pregnancy broke, my manager was inundated with offers for other jobs, and Burberry said I can still do most print work; they can just do a little retouch magic.”  The explosion of anger, of emotion, of whatever had possessed Jared upon Jensen’s arrival, fades.  Instead, the model sits calmly, wheels in his head turning and coming to terms with the new plans for his life.

“Ohh…”  Letting out the tension he’s been feeling since he first found out about Jared’s pregnancy, Jensen sighs.  The worst-case scenario he’s had playing out in his mind wasn’t happening.  In fact, almost the opposite was panning out.  Jared wasn’t pissed at him and didn’t plan to kick him out of his life.  It’s more than he hoped for.

“I hope you’re ready for the onslaught of media coverage when people find out we’re having a kid together.”  Jared actually laughs, and his face immediately turns into the one that sends Jensen’s heart beating out of his chest.

“I hope _you’re_ ready.  You have no idea how dedicated my fans are.  You’re going to be the envy of all my fan boys, and probably girls too.”

Jared gets a mischievous glint in his eye and his voice goes low.  “Well, lucky me then.”

“Yeah…lucky you.”  Jensen’s mouth goes dry at the hint of a tease in Jared’s tone.

Jared flicks his head up and smirks.  “Do you have a hotel room nearby?”

“What?”  Jensen tries to keep the shock out of his voice, tries to play it cool, but when he attempts to do this around Jared, he always fails.

“Do you have a room?  A place you’re staying while in town?"

“Yeah, its ten miles away.”

“Good.”  Pushing out of the chair, Jared stands to straighten his vest and suit jacket.

Looking once again like the confused love struck puppy, Jensen cocks his head at Jared.  “Good?”

“Well, you can’t expect me to have a baby with a man I’ve only slept with once, can you?”

The words go straight to Jensen’s groin and his skin prickles with electricity.

Oh no, he could never expect that out of Jared, nor would he want to.  He loves everything Jared is hinting at and the suddenness of the model’s suggestion leaves him stumbling to keep up with Jared’s thought process.

It’s exactly why they find themselves in his hotel room half an hour later, clothing thrown to the side and attacking one another’s mouth with more clarity and fervor than the last time they ended up in this situation.

Jared molds himself against Jensen’s body, fitting more perfectly than Jensen dared to dream.  Their hands roam across the span of each other’s back and Jared lets out a breathy moan when Jensen attacks the pulse point at his neck.

They stumble slightly, not breaking the kiss as they navigate closer to the bed.  In a swift move, Jensen shoves Jared back, landing the model onto the mattress in a sitting position.

Looking down at Jared, Jensen’s breath is knocked out of him.  Any evidence of the distress Jared felt earlier has been replaced by a soft blush and panting lips.  Sitting on the bed, looking directly at Jensen, Jared’s never looked more gorgeous.  A weird feeling in Jensen’s gut snags him and he realizes it’s because he is happy the whole world hasn’t seen Jared like this.

Jared licks his top lip and puts his hands palm down behind his back to support his weight.  He knows Jensen is watching him, looking him over, and he shows absolutely no shame.

Jensen’s eyes fall on the tiny swell that he’s never seen so clearly.  Jared looks long, lean, and tan, but there’s a roundness to his middle and Jensen can’t stop himself from touching it.  It’s much more intimate than any other touch he’s ever initiated, and he falls to his knees in front of Jared when the model arches up into the touch.

It is Jared’s turn to look down at Jensen.  With the rocker between his naked spread legs, he’s dangerously close to Jared’s hardening length.  He combs a hand over Jensen’s head and keeps his fingers curled in the short hair.

“You’re pregnant.”  Jensen nips at the skin at the juncture of Jared’s thigh and hip.  The kisses trail towards the middle of his stomach, coming with a tenderness Jensen hasn’t infused his kisses with for a long time.  He lets his lips linger on the area above his baby and smiles into the warm stretch of skin.

“I’m glad I could bring you up to speed.”  Jared curls his palm over the curve of Jensen’s skull, rolling the man’s head so that he’s looking up at Jared with parted lips.  “Want to thank me for all my troubles?”  He shifts his hips and bucks them up, bringing his dick closer to Jensen’s face.

Jensen gets what Jared is hinting at, and normally this is the part where he would shove a guy away and switch up the rolls.  But he figures Jared deserves it.  A blowjob is the very least Jensen can do to make up for the devious plan he is never, _ever_ , going to tell the model about.   Besides, Jared is carrying his baby and he did make a silent promise to give the man anything he wants.

Gripping Jared’s thighs, Jensen flicks his tongue out and snakes it along Jared’s arousal.  Memories of how good Jared’s mouth felt while going to town on his dick flood his brain and instantaneously, blood flows to his groin.  He uses that desire to fuel his movements and swallows Jared down in several small bobs of his head.

Just because Jensen doesn’t give head often doesn’t mean he isn’t good at it, as evidenced by the noises coming out of Jared’s mouth.  Jared’s fingers tighten their grip and urge Jensen on as his eyes become hooded slits.

“Oh god, Jenny…yessss.”  Rolling his hips, Jared melts.

Ears perking up at the nickname, Jensen realizes that it doesn’t sound so bad on Jared’s tongue; it sounds even better bathed in lust, in the way Jared just uttered it.  He hollows his cheeks and increases suction before relaxing and letting Jared’s bucking hips do most of the work.  He can feel a shiver, caused by the added pressure his tongue caused, run through Jared’s body.  It isn’t long before Jared makes a hitching noise of warning and his hot come spills into Jensen’s mouth.

Going down on Jared is one thing, swallowing his seed is another.  In a swift movement, he turns his head to spit the contents out of his mouth before returning his gaze to the sweaty, panting, mess of a model.

“You better not be too tired for more.”  Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Jensen crawls over the bed, stalking Jared and prompting the man to scoot backwards and work with Jensen’s advance.

“Not too tired,” Jared smirks, hooking a leg around Jensen’s hips and bringing them closer together, so close that Jensen’s dripping length slides up against Jared’s spit slick one.  “It’s just been a while.”

Jensen raises an eyebrow.  He can’t imagine why it’s been a while for Jared.  Maybe it is just because he is certain Jared is the most gorgeous person on the planet, but he thinks that maybe Jared looks even more attractive now that he’s pregnant. He’s fucking glowing.  It is just another clichéd thought to add to his clichéd life.

In response to Jensen’s look of confusion, Jared shrugs but wraps more of his lanky body around Jensen, keeping the man close.  “It felt weird having sex while I have someone else’s baby inside me.”

The words hit Jensen hard, and he shifts into overdrive.  It is too much to hope that Jared hasn’t slept with anyone since him, he knows that isn’t true, but it still feels good to know that he hasn’t slept with anyone lately because of him, because of their baby.  A possessive growl rises in his throat and he crashes his lips against Jared.  The kiss isn’t pretty, all teeth clashing and tongues warring, but it is intense.

Jared lets out a breathy moan and Jensen swallows it whole.  He pushes his tongue into Jared’s mouth, tongue fucking him until Jared is rutting against his hip, cock filling with blood once more.

“You’re gorgeous.”  Jensen can’t stop the compliment from leaving his mouth.  The flush of arousal warms his face but he is safely trapped in the realm of being too far gone to give a shit.  Snaking both arms up, he rests most of his weight on his elbows so that he can cup Jared’s face with his hands,  thumbs tracing his jaw line, one sliding over Jared’s lower lip and dragging it down, leaving the model to look at him with a delicious pout.  After taking a minute to stare, Jensen juts his hips into Jared’s groin and kisses the man’s lips until they are swollen and reddened.

A purr rises in Jared’s throat and his eyes go catlike.  There is a bit of fumbling after that while Jensen finds the will power to leave his conquest of Jared’s lips and scoot off the bed to find the lube tucked away in his suitcase.  Several minutes and two fingers thrusting inside of Jared later, Jensen is wringing breathy moans of pleasure from the model.  Whenever they break their fervent kissing, it is to get a gasp of air and to paw at each other.

Jensen adds another finger to the mix and coaxes Jared open, realizing he’s never actually done this before and he plans to take his time.

Jared responds to every slide of Jensen’s fingers, bucking hips begging for more.  He lets out another purr when the rocker seems to hit every nerve ending inside of him.  “You love this, don’t you?”  Jared pants out.

“Huh?”  Jensen nudges the man’s jaw so he can have access to his neck, so he can suck it and bruise it up just like he did three months ago.

“You love this. Love making me fall apart like this.”  Jared licks his lips and opens himself up to Jensen all the more.  “You love it that I haven’t slept with anyone since I found out I was pregnant, don’t you?”

The words hit Jensen and he realizes he is the one falling apart, Jared’s devious smirk starting his undoing.  His heart flutters, might have actually stopped for a moment, and he shifts Jared, tugging both of the man’s legs so he lands flat on his back.  He doesn’t need to tell Jared that, yes, yes, he does love knowing all of those things; his actions speaks for themselves.  He slathers his cock with more lube before throwing Jared’s leg over his shoulder.  Jared is still purring at him, body humming with pleasure and proving to Jensen that he wants _this_ as much as the other man.

“You love that I have a piece of you inside of me already,” Jared lets out in a breathy whisper.  He scratches up Jensen’s back and holds on.

“Oh, god….”  Jensen’s head goes fuzzy.  He lines his dick up with Jared’s readied entrance and nudges at it gently.  “You’re about to have a whole lot more of me inside you.”  He doesn’t wait for an answer; instead, he thrusts in with one fluid movement.

Jared’s back arches and his head presses into the pillow.  He lets out a hiss, but it is followed directly by a breathy pant.  Clinging to Jensen through several thrusts, their bodies move in perfect sync, like they’ve done this more than once.  “Is that all you’ve got, Jenny?”

The response comes when Jensen snaps his hips and pushes himself up onto his knees.  He yanks Jared closer, still keeping one leg over his shoulder but tugging on the other one for leverage.  Fucking into the man, he lets out little grunts as sweat breaks out on his spine.  His brain delves back into the world of crazy that led him to poke holes in the condom during their first romp in the sheets.  He gets a little giddy feeling in his stomach and his voice goes deep.  “You wanted this, didn’t you?”  He knows, based on Jared’s first reaction to the suggestion that he is the baby’s father that it probably isn’t true, but it feels nice to think it anyway.  “You wanted me to be the baby’s father?”

Choking on a breath, Jared gets lost in the feeling of Jensen thrusting into him.  When Jensen adds a hand, snaking it between them to curl around Jared’s dripping arousal, he lets a shiver run through his body.  “Thought…”  Jared’s eyes flutter and he feels the orgasm being pulled out of him. “We’d…”  Another choked moan of pleasure escapes the model’s mouth.  “Have…pretty…” Jared squirms and falls apart completely, “babies,” he yelps out and comes in a sudden burst over Jensen’s fist.

Jensen’s heart swoons and he strokes Jared through his orgasm, feeling the man’s channel clenching around his dick.  It’s over in a hot, sweaty, dirty twist of his hips and he comes hard, painting Jared’s insides with pulses of his seed.

“Fuck, Jared!”  Jensen shouts, pressing as deep as he can into the blissed out man under him.

Jared clutches onto his shoulders, riding out their orgasms together and milking Jensen of every wave of pleasure he can.

It is over slowly, lust of the moment taking it’s time in dissolving into awkwardness.  Jensen doesn’t want that to happen.  He wants to hold onto this version of Jared, the version where the model clings to him and can’t seem to get enough of him.  In a gentle movement, Jensen pulls out, both men hissing at the loss of connection, and lowers Jared’s legs back to the mattress.  He flops down beside him, chest mirroring Jared’s panting.

Even in his nudity, Jared looks completely at ease, clearly dominating all of Jensen’s attention and lounging on the bed with lazy cat stretches and slinky movements.  He lays in the silence of the room for several minutes before propping himself up on the elbow closest to Jensen.  Absently, he trails a finger around a sugar skull tattoo on Jensen’s right pectoral muscle.  “So…how’s Bloodletting?”

Jensen’s eyebrows perk up, turning his head towards the voice’s source.  Pinching two fingers along the bridge of his nose, he wipes away dark eye makeup that became displaced from sweat.  “So you _do_ actually know my band’s name?”

“How could I not?  You practically wrote a whole album worth of songs about me.”

Jensen’s face flushes red; try as he might, he can’t play Jared’s words off as nothing.

Jared gives Jensen a half smirk and raises his own eyebrows.  “Are you going to tell me that those pretty Prada lips you wish were sucking your dick aren’t _my_ lips?”  When Jensen says nothing at Jared’s almost perfect rendition of his song lyrics, Jared humphs triumphantly.  “Thought so.”

It’s obvious to Jensen that this pleases Jared, that he loves being the object of so much genuine affection, regardless of how crazy it might seem

“I saw you perform that song live, by the way.”  Jared trails his fingers down Jensen’s sternum and toys with the soft fuzz of hair below his belly button.

“Are you keeping tabs on me?”

“Maybe.  I don’t know.  What do you think?”  Jared licks his lips before leaning down and nipping at Jensen’s ear.  “I saw you when you were playing in London two months ago.”

The thought of Jared in a crowd of meaningless people watching him without him even knowing makes Jensen’s heart speed up.  “You did?  But I thought you were in Belgium then.”

Jared’s laugh fills the room.  “Who’s keeping tabs on whom?”  Despite the possibility that Jensen’s tracking could have freaked Jared out, the model laughs again, shimmying closer to the rocker’s side.  He looks pleased again, puffed up with pride that Jensen’s been so dedicated.  “Belgium’s just a two and a half hour train ride from where I was in London.”

Jensen swallows and watches Jared’s eyes take note of each shift in his facial expression.  He reaches up, cups Jared’s neck, and pulls him down for a long kiss.  This time his lips are gentle, working against Jared’s with a seemingly familiar tenderness as he slips his tongue inside.

Pulling away, Jared’s breathless and flushed in the face.  “I don’t even know who you really are,” he shakes his head in disbelief

“Do you want to?”  Jensen tugs Jared closer, hands curling around the model’s hips and spanning out to the swell in his middle.  “Because I want to know who you are.  I’m pretty sure there’s more to you than the stuff I wrote about in my songs and the perfect package that walks down the runway.”  He tosses Jared a hopeful look.

“I think you’re crazy, Jensen.”  Letting out another laugh, Jared gives Jensen a puzzled look.  “I think you’re crazy but you make _me_ feel crazy.”  His voice turns to a whisper as he loops his hands behind Jensen’s back.  They’re pressed so close together that they can feel each other’s heartbeats.  “I want to know who you are.  I’m going to have to eventually, right?”  He juts forward, pressing his belly into Jensen’s.  “I’m not raising this kid myself.  Don’t think you’re off the hook because most people believe you’re a bad influence and can’t stay committed to anything more serious than a bottle of beer.”

“Is that what people say?”  Their faces close, Jensen smirks at the rumors about himself.

“It’s what I’ve heard.”

“It’s not true, Jared.”  Jensen’s eyes are earnest and he traps Jared to him with a leg wrapped around his hip.  “Although, I do like a good cold beer.”

“You going to prove it to me, Jamie?”  Jared bites his lip.

“Jensen!”

Voice pure innocence and trouble, “I know,” Jared winks, sliding a hand down through the evidence of their sex to toy with Jensen’s softening length.

Jensen knows he does, because Jared has a smirk on that light up the dim room.  He’s full of mischief and attitude and Jensen has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.  But when Jared twists his hand and lowers his head to breathe hotly against Jensen’s neck, Jensen thinks he might be in love.

Jared is trouble all wrapped up in a high-maintenance package, but it’s a fucking fantastic package.   When Jared pulls up, Jensen can tell that there’s intelligence behind his eyes, a personality waiting to spar with and balance out Jensen’s.  There is a lot to get to know about Jared, and Jensen is never going to pass up a chance to have what he’s been pining over for the past several months.

“Come on, Jenny,” Jared curls a leg to his chest and throws it over Jensen’s hip, flipping them so he is straddling and looking down at the rocker.  “There are _a lot_ of things about me to get to know.  I figured we could start right now.”  He ruts up against Jensen’s groin.

“I’m pretty sure I know that part.”  Jensen licks his lips and bucks his hips as an automatic response.

“No.  I don’t think you know everything yet.  I just want to make sure.&rdquo

Screw any thoughts he ever had about Jared being bad in bed.  The man was insatiable, at least at the current moment.  Jensen grins, flashing a perfectly devious smile.  If tonight is any indication, getting to know Jared is going to be one hell of a ride.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: cursing, rockstar!Jensen, model!Jared, mpreg!Jared, GRAPHIC birth, schmoop  
> Word Count: 6,151  
> Rating: R  
> Beta: bt_kady

Jared is amazing.

Jensen has never been more sure of it.

And even though billions upon billions of people have done the same exact thing that Jared is doing now, Jared is absolutely the strongest person Jensen’s ever met.

He sees evidence of it with his own eyes, watching Jared labor for hours – _hours –_ in their apartment.  Jensen would have thrown in the towel around the tenth hour, but Jared is still going after 35.

But to be honest, he’s feeling kind of sick to his stomach because this giving birth thing is a lot grosser than he thought it would be. He’s much more up close and personal with it than he thought he would be, and somehow Jared has forced him to play a much bigger role in it than he thought he would play.  Still, he can’t lie; Jared is fucking amazing.

He is also unsettlingly quiet which Jensen has learned Jared only does when he doesn’t want to admit he is wrong or he is blindly determined.  The model makes weird low-pitched mewling sounds from time to time, but for the most part, he is all loud breathing and set features.

To be fair, labor is kicking Jared’s ass.  Jared is kicking right back but he’s really worn out.  Karen, their midwife, explained that it was hitting Jared hard because of a combination of things, mostly that Jared’s hips are rather narrow and their son is measuring in at well over nine pounds.  The latter, in Jared’s opinion, is completely and utterly ‘all Jensen’s fault.’

Jensen bites his tongue and doesn’t point out that technically Jared is taller than he is.

Karen, who is blissfully not affected by either of their celebrity statuses, works in a world all her own.  Jensen’s pretty sure she knows _exactly_ who they are because _everyone_ knows who they are, but she doesn’t seem to give a crap about that.  She’s only focused on her job, which is nice actually.  She’s a spit fire, a tiny thing that Jensen feels he could snap over his knee, but he realizes she’s stronger than she looks when she has no problem manipulating Jared into positions he’d rather not be in.  They both like her, choosing her as their midwife was almost instantaneous.  Jensen has no idea what he’s doing here, but this woman who is younger than him comes with a wealth of experience and she doesn’t make him feel stupid or like he doesn’t belong…even though he really wishes he didn’t belong when Jared lets out the rare pained cry.  He never wants to hear that again but knows he’s going to have to handle a good deal more before all is said and done.

Eventually, Karen suggests Jared lay on his side for a while to let his pelvis open up.  She tells them she knows the baby is big but if they take their time, she’s confident that Jared can do _this_. It is why Jared ends up on his side, face buried into a down pillow, with Jensen holding one of his legs up so Karen can check on the model’s progress.

Jared gasps before fracturing his silence with a curse as his water breaks, dousing the mattress in straw- colored fluid.

Jensen cringes, Jared lets out a relieved pant of air, and Karen bolsters their spirits by telling them everything is going perfectly.

After pressing a kiss to Jared’s sweaty temple, Jensen thinks they’re going to have to buy a new mattress.  It doesn’t matter how much they worked on waterproofing the current one.  New mattress.  He isn’t sleeping on this one anymore.

Still, it’s where their son was conceived.

The thought makes Jensen come face to face with how far he and Jared have come.  What started out as some crazed lust-fueled adventure in body worship has become a legit relationship.  It has its quirks, but he and Jared have somehow gotten to know and love – or mostly love – almost everything about each other in the span of 28 weeks.

There was no doubt about it though, their relationship was a whirlwind.  It shifted gears so fast that Jensen swears he suffered whiplash from it.

It was a little weird because Jensen had fallen in love with a persona, the façade Jared put on for his modeling career.  Finding out there were very distinct personalities behind Jared was an interesting experience but it’s made Jensen love him all the more because the realness of the situation is better than he could have expected.  He loves the _real_ Jared more than any version he lusted after before.

Jensen is right about one thing though, Jared is high maintenance, just not in the way he suspected.   Mostly, it’s because Jared can’t sit still.  He always _has_ to be doing something.  And now that Jensen wants to be in the picture, that ‘something’ always includes Jensen, whether he likes it or not.  For the most part he likes it…usually.

The problem with Jared’s charming little quirk is that both men have crazy schedules and it makes ‘always doing something’ together rather difficult.  Jensen has to tour and Jared has signed on for several campaigns, so they take their time together where they can get it.

It took two awkward weeks together before something broke and they stared at each other, realizing that they had become extraordinarily at ease with one another.  It took another week before online blogs and gossip magazines broke word of their relationship, and their suspicion that Jensen was most likely Jared’s baby’s other father.

Though there are articles where people find the mash up of a model and a musician to be a nice mix of beauty and danger, a mix that holds a fair amount of romance and is an alternative modern day fairy tale, most people are left scratching their heads.  The music forums think Jensen sold out, that he’s fallen into a deadly rock star cliché and has become entangled by a model such as Jared.  They’re waiting for the relationship to sizzle out and fade into distant memory when Jensen comes to his senses and grows a pair.  Tabloids are saying the same thing, only they think Jared needs to realize he can do better than some tattooed, pierced, musician bad boy.  Both media are convinced that one of them is going to break and wind up sleeping with a meaningless string of willing people.  They are _convinced_ that neither Jared nor Jensen can keep it in their pants long enough to give this relationship a chance.

They’re wrong.  Jared and Jensen are determined to prove them so.

What their ‘fans’ and ‘haters’ don’t realize is that Jared and Jensen can’t seem to get enough of each other.  They don’t need to keep it in their pants if they keep giving it to each other.  People don’t take into account the electric connection made between them, the fact that before each other, they were sexually insatiable but now they have found a way to feed that desire.

It’s as if someone flipped an off switch on their weird relationship-destroying behaviors.  They are still far from normal and, despite its unethical beginnings, their relationship is working like clockwork.

Most people stop speculating the validity of their relationship after Bloodletting releases a music video that Jensen insists Jared be a part of.  The band isn’t exactly on board with this decision, fearing they are falling into another rock band cliché: hot model rolling around in a video where no one is really paying attention to the music.  Jensen insists and everyone relents.  Jared is four months pregnant at the time but because of some camera magic and interesting angles, he doesn’t look it.

The video can only be described as visual sex.

Jared doesn’t just ‘roll around,’ he practically dominates every scene.  Instead of drowning out the music, he amplifies it.  It’s hot and dirty and blurs the line between fantasy and reality.  People can see the connection between Jared and Jensen practically oozing from the screen.  Little do they know, the sex scene in the middle that everyone thinks is simulated is actually real, much to everyone on set’s shock, but trying to break Jared and Jensen apart is like breaking up a dog fight; no one wants a trip to the hospital. 

Needless to say, the video is hot.  It helps that the band, and Jared, are practically naked in it.  It goes viral.  People fall in love with the idea of Jared and Jensen together.  Their relationship takes on a life all its own, fans completely dedicated to defending them against anyone who has an issue with it.

It’s a nice change of events, even if it does bring them more attention.  It makes things feel more intense, packs their lives with obligations and struggles to spend actual quality time together.  They are still doing everything they used to do but now their plates are piled high with more public appearances, doctors’ appointments, and traveling greater distances to meet up for a night.

It actually comes as a relief, oddly, when Jared’s doctor insists he stop flying so much after his blood pressure spikes and brings on a night of very scary complications.

Jared listens and diminishes his work load, but he goes a bit stir crazy with nothing to do.  He takes to touring with Jensen, sticking to driving around the country with Bloodletting.

At first it drives Jensen crazy because Jared is full of cooped up energy and meddling.  Fans come to expect Jared as being around backstage and love getting to see him and his growing belly.  It’s unsettling how public this private thing between Jared and Jensen has become.

But after a few weeks of it, Jensen is glad to have Jared close.  He gets to keep an eye, and his hands, on Jared.  He gets to be there the first time the baby kicks hard enough for Jensen to finally feel.  He gets to be there to watch Jared grow and find satisfaction in the fact that _he_ caused that; that his crazy plan paid off.  He gets to put his bad boy personality away and sleep next to his pregnant boyfriend every night. 

Unfortunately, he also gets to be there when Jared goes on a tirade about how Jensen ruined his life.  Said life is ruined because Jared finds a tiny stretch mark.  Jared reminds Jensen of how much he is sacrificing here, how much of his career is on hold and potentially derailed because of what _he_ is doing.

After an afternoon of yelling and brooding, they make up.

Jared doesn’t apologize, but he sucks Jensen’s dick, which is enough of an apology.  They have hot, loud, makeup sex, causing Bloodletting to start their set thirty minutes late.

Their fans are pissed, but Jared is happy again, and Jensen doesn’t give a shit about anything else.  Well…mostly.  He does feel kind of bad, prompting him to play an extra long show.

In the end, all parties are satisfied.

For the most part, Jared goes with the punches.  His pregnancy is uncomplicated despite one or two bumps in the road and he’s happy.  Bloodletting stops touring the week before Jared’s estimated due date and the couple take to waiting it out in Jensen’s New York apartment; it’s where they want to have their baby.

Jared is determined to have a natural homebirth, one of his model friends having planted the idea in Jared’s head months ago. 

Jensen has to hand it to Jared; he’s done his homework.  His boyfriend is smart, shockingly so, and he has done the research, solidified that a natural homebirth really is what he wants, and hires Karen.  Going along with everything, Jensen lets Jared have everything he wants, even if it scares the shit out of him.  He’s going to bend over backwards for Jared and their baby.

They do a million and a half things to prepare for the birth, and then they wait.  And wait. And wait.

Jared passes his due date and gets restless. 

Jensen learned months ago that the model doesn’t like when things don’t go according to plan.  It gets hard to deal with Jared’s nervous nesting but Jensen says _nothing_.  He goes along with all of the crazy because he knows nothing Jared is doing can compare to Jensen’s one misleading lie.

The plan isn’t on hold long, because two days later Jared’s labor starts, leaving Jensen in a flurry of panic.  He tries to play it cool, tries to hold it together, but Jared sees right through him.  They manage to get through the first hours of labor on their own, reassured enough by the fact that they are, in fact, ready for this baby.

But now, in the 36th hour, Jared is floundering.  He’s tired and sweaty and _naked_.  He doesn’t seem to give a shit about anything anymore and Jensen’s at a loss for what to do.  The musician crawls up the bed, away from the ominous wet area, and kneels beside Jared’s head.  He feels overdressed in his worn dark jeans and dark red v-neck t-shirt, but has no intention of getting down to the level of undress that Jared is.  He feels like a splotch of dark in the world of white Jared has created in the bedroom.

Jared is so quiet it scares him.  Jensen isn’t used to that.   The man looks up at him with pain-furrowed brows and then squeezes his eyes shut before burrowing into Jensen’s thigh.

“Jenny…”  Jared cringes and gasps.  He presses both palms to his middle, simultaneously trying to rub away the discomfort and diminish the pressure.

“You’re doing so good Jared.”  Jensen brushes long sweaty tendrils out of Jared face.  He turns towards Karen and questions her for reassurance.  “He is, right?  He’s doing okay?”

“He’s fine.”  She moves from across the room where she was perched to give the men their space.  “You’re doing really good Jared.  Do you want me to check you?”

Jared shakes his head ‘no’ and keeps his face buried in Jensen’s thigh.  But almost as soon as he completes the gesture his breathing speeds up and he yelps.  Twisting fingers in the ‘V’ of Jensen’s shirt, he pulls up slightly and holds on tightly to the musician.  “Yeah, can you…can you check?”

“Of course I can.”  Karen sits on the bed and pushes one of Jared’s legs up and out of the way.  “Jensen, come help me.  Hold his leg up and out for me, okay?”

Jensen swallows and nods.  He shuffles on his knees through the wetness – god, he’s burning these jeans – and cups Jared’s bare foot, keeping his leg open.

“Good job, Jared!  Your pelvis is nice and wide and the baby’s coming down.  Maybe a couple more hours and you’re going to have your baby.”  She smiles sweetly and helps Jensen lower Jared’s leg, letting the man go back to laboring completely on his side.

“A couple more hours? _A couple more hours_?”  Jensen’s heart thumps wildly.  Jared is moaning again and he wishes there was a way to either speed this whole process up or stop it.  He is _trying_ to stay calm; he’s been doing a great job of it so far, but the idea of watching Jared in pain for _a couple more hours_ has him on edge.

“The baby’s big, Jared isn’t…well, not in the way that counts right now.  It’s going to take some time.  We don’t want to rush things.  He’s doing perfectly.”  Karen pats Jared on the thigh and pushes up from the bed.

“Can we stop talking about me like I’m not in the room?  I’m right here.”  Jared sighs and presses a fist to his lower back, kneading into the muscle.

“Here, I’ve got that, baby.”  Jensen shifts and positions himself behind Jared, rubbing both hands along the man’s back and kneading out the tension.  Jared hisses under the pressure of another contraction and Jensen doubles his efforts.  “You’re so badass, you know that?”

Jared actually laughs; it is a weak laugh but he comes out from the contraction and gets in a few sniggers.  “Oh, really?”

“Absolutely.  You…doing this?  This is crazier than anything I’ve ever done.”  Jensen kisses the back of Jared’s neck.  “You are _unbelievable_.”

“Oh, okay, good.  I wouldn’t want to rain on your bad boy lifestyle by doing something lame and white bread.” 

“No, we couldn’t have that.”  Jensen smiles, hoping Jared truly knows, even though he has told him so many times, just how thankful he is for what Jared’s doing.  Wet spot and squeamishness be damned, Jensen needs to support and get close to Jared.  He knows Jared needs that strengthening connection.  He pulls off his t-shirt, the fabric snagging on the lotion covering the “Jared” tattoo over his heart.  Jared has one too, only his says “Jenny,’ much to Jensen’s dismay, and is tucked away in a spot on his hip that is easily covered for photo shoots.  He lays down and curls his body around Jared, letting the man grab onto his hands or press back into him should he feel the urge to.

It’s weird, but for the first time he feels like life is completely and utterly 100% about the two of them, or the three of them if he includes his soon-to-be-born son.

Four –not a couple – of hours later, and Jared’s breathing goes funny.  He chokes on breath after breath and groans loudly.

“Jared?”  Jensen rises from the bed, propping himself up on his elbow.  He sees Karen pop out of her silence, taking quick strides towards them.

“Shit, fuck…holy shit!”  Jared lets out a weird whimpering breath and grunts.  “Oh, god….can you…” He smacks Jensen’s searching hands away and darts his eyes towards Karen.  “Can you…gotta push!”  He groans and tosses his head back, landing it against Jensen’s chest.

“Okay, you’re okay.”  Karen gently maneuvers Jared’s leg out of the way and smiles.  “Do you want to push in this position or try something else?”

“Don’t-don’t care.  Just wanna push.”  Jared yowls again, silent determination dissolving into moans of distress.

“Push if you need to push, you’re ready.”  Karen’s voice is calm and steady and Jared focuses on her.  “Jensen, you’re on leg duty.”

Jensen hasn’t quite caught up with the change of events.  Up until this point, their son felt like taking his sweet time, making the rapidity of what’s happening to leave Jensen blinking dumbly for a moment.  He stands up on the bed and steps over his boyfriend so that they are facing each other.  Quickly, he kneels down and brings Jared’s leg up and out of the way, a task he has become familiar with.

Jared brings his chin to his chest and bears down, leg shaking in Jensen’s grasp.  “Oh, god!”

“That’s really good Jared!”  Watching Jared’s progress, Karen lets the man work on his own.

Without thinking, Jensen glances to where Karen is focusing her attention.  He knows that birth isn’t pretty, but he is expected to bask in the miracle of it.  It makes him feel seasick.  If _that_ is really good, he doesn’t want to know what extremely good looks like.

“Burns!”  Jared huffs and pushes, squeezing his eyes shut and he works through the contraction.

Karen’s voice cut through Jared’s panting, “It’s alright.  Push through it.”

Jensen watches Jared struggle with a few breaths and strokes a hand up and down his boyfriend’s thigh.  “Breathe, baby.”

Sucking in a breath, Jared holds onto it and pushes, curling his body up towards Karen.  After committing to the effort, he flops down onto the mattress and moans.  “I wanna-I wanna get up.  I wanna get up!”  His face becomes a mix of panic and need and he grabs out for Jensen.

“Let’s get you up then.”  She gets better footing and with Jensen’s help they get Jared onto his knees.  He falls forward, arms looping around Jensen’s neck and using the rocker to support practically all of his weight.  “Do you want to stay like this Jared?”  The position is awkward and Karen cranes her neck to try and see what type of progress Jared is making.

Jared is in his own world.  He keeps his face buried in the crook of Jensen’s neck and picks up a cycle of making loud guttural humming noises.  Brushing the hair off of Jared’s forehead, Jensen speaks softly in his ear.  “Hey Jared, do you want to stay like this, baby?”

“No…wanna squat.”  Jared moves to shift position but freezes.  He lunges for Jensen again, almost dragging the man down to the bed but Jensen props himself up on his knees and stays resolute in supporting Jared.  The model abandons all attempts to change positions and bears down, committing himself completely to the urges wracking his body.  “Just wanna push…oh, god!”

Jensen transfers his weight from one knee to the other to center himself and presses both palms down on Jared’s spine to keep him aligned.  He flinches when Jared lets out a shaky cry but has no idea how else to help.

“That was SO good, Jared!”  Karen’s suddenly at their side, helping Jared’s waning confidence.

“Can I…I want to…can I move?”  Jared turns his head to the side, cheek resting on Jensen’s shoulder and eyes meeting Karen’s.

“You can do anything you want, sweetie.”  Karen holds out a hand and Jared takes it with an unsteady movement.  “Come on, we’ll get you into that squatting position you originally wanted to push in, okay?”

Jared nods and the three of them work together enough to finally get Jared’s feet under him and bend his legs at the knee. 

Originally, they practiced this position with Jensen supporting Jared from behind but the model doesn’t look like he has any intention of letting his arms come loose from around Jensen’s neck.  Instead, Jared holds on with a death grip while he breathes through the moment.  If Jensen thought Jared was bad ass before, he was wrong.  Jared looks like a man possessed, determination radiating from his fixed stare.  It suddenly strikes him that what Jared is doing is kind of amazing.  He gets it now.

“Fuck!”  Jared shouts out and gasps before actually letting go of Jensen and falling back on his rear, leaving him in a strange sitting position with both legs spread and feet pressed down on the mattress.  He has his wits about him enough to ward off the stares from two concerned sets of eyes.  “I just need a minute.  I just want to sit like this for a minute.”  Bringing both hands to his middle, he caresses it gently with slow drawn out movements.

Jensen nods and scoots closer.  His heart thuds wildly in his chest and explodes with love and gratitude for what Jared is so clearly committed to.  Zaps of electricity course through his brain and he’s overcome with a type of lunacy he felt over nine months ago.  He isn’t thinking clearly; maybe if he was he wouldn’t act on what he’s contemplating.  But emotions are high and he can’t stop the words from coming out of his mouth, no matter how cliché the situation is.  “Marry me.”

Jared huffs and looks up through sweaty bangs while struggling with the pressure in his hips.  “What?”

“Marry me.  Please?”  Jensen licks his lips and his eyes go deadly serious.  “Will you marry me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”  Jared looks at Jensen like he has three heads and then starts his funny rapid breathing again.

Jensen isn’t kidding.  He means it.  He’s been thinking about it for days and meant to ask this morning, he even has a ring in his pocket.  “I love you and you are amazi…”

Jared groans loudly and smashes a hand to Jensen’s face, shutting him up.  He closes his eyes and lets out a pained gasp as their baby moves lower.  “Don’t. Care. Right. Now.”  Grabbing at Jensen with both hands, and with Karen’s help, he gets back up into a squatting position and bears down hard.  Totally giving up any attempt to be silent, Jared takes labored breaths, punctuating each one with a moan or cry.

“His head’s right there Jared.  You’re so close.”  Karen grabs a towel and dabs at the bloody opening, revealing the round curve of a head peeking through.  “Jensen, get behind him.”

Jensen doesn’t have to be told twice.  He gets situated behind Jared and hooks his arms under Jared’s; the moment they are locked together, Jared gives Jensen all of his weight, essentially hanging low in his squat but not over-straining his thigh muscles.

They work like that for several pushes, with Jared crying out and Karen reassuring him.  Jensen has no words, but holds on tightly to Jared, pressing kisses to his temple.  Eventually, Jared’s cries fall away and his chest rises and falls in rapid-fire breathing.  He goes silent except for his quick panting.

“Jared, what’s wrong?” Jensen asks with alarm.

“He’s fine.  He’s got this, right Jared?”  Karen smiles up at both men and wipes at the area between Jared’s legs.  “The baby’s crowning and he’s feeling the burn.”  She coaches Jared through a push, taking care to keep the baby’s emerging head supported.  “Good push!”

“Out!”  Jared cries out and presses his head back onto Jensen’s shoulder.  He bears down instinctively and bites his lip until it’s almost bloody.

“You’re doing it, Jared. You’re doing good!”  Karen watches the folds between Jared’s legs part and a damp-haired head push into view.

Jared starts crying and it triggers something in Jensen’s gut.  The rocker gets hit with a surge of protectiveness and his own emotions, eyes dampening as Jared works to get their son’s head out.  Jared takes a series of deep breaths and Jensen can feel the tension in his body as the model pushes down with all he’s got.

Karen whoops in excitement at the results from Jared’s pushing.  “Good job!  I can see his face.  He’s coming Jared.  You’re doing so _well!”_

Jensen braces Jared and has their arms locked together but he somehow manages to get hold of Jared’s hands.  They squeeze onto each other as Jared curses his way through a push.  “You’re almost there, baby.  I am so _proud_ of you.”

After a particularly strong push, Jared falters, gasping and finding himself on the verge of hyperventilating when he pushes the head out.  He is full-blown crying right now, body crumpling from exertion.  Forty-one hours of labor proves to be his breaking point.

In an attempt to give the man the energy he needs to finish the delivery, Karen’s words are soft and confident.  “Jared? Jared? Come on, look down at your baby.  You got this.”

Leaning back into Jensen’s arms, Jared finds it hard to see anything over his belly.  He arches up and strains so that he can see the briefest glimpse of his son’s head.  “Oh, my god….”  He turns his head towards Jensen and finds emotionally-drenched eyes that match his own.  “Jensen…”

“I know, baby.  You’re doing so good.  Just a little more and we can meet him.”  Jensen’s voice shakes and he’s surprised he’s gotten so caught up in this whole process.

Jared yowls and pushes, yanking his hand out of Jensen’s hold and impulsively reaching down to cup his son’s head.  Karen doesn’t push him away; instead, she moves his hand so he can better support the baby’s head.  Determined once more, Jared finds his composure and pushes long and hard.

“There you go, good job.  You’re in the home stretch.”  Wiping off the baby, Karen sits back and supervises as Jared does all the work.  “Come on, look at what you’re doing.  Look Jared! You got this.  You’re doing it.”

With a shaky exhale of air, Jared’s eyes go feral.  He gets sucked in to his own world where only giving birth to his baby exists.

Sensing Jared’s overwhelmed emotions, the midwife locks eyes with him and nods.  “Doing great!  Jensen’s got you, you’re almost there.”

Jared speaks through gritted teeth, “Come on, baby! Out!”

In one strong push, their baby slides into the world, a slippery mess of limbs and fluids.  Karen aids Jared in guiding him safely to the mattress.  Jared gasps, his eyes blown wide from the rush of the moment.  He is crying again but it isn’t from pain or frustration; it’s from absolute relief and love.

“You did it Jared.  He’s here!”  Karen exclaims.

Jensen can’t see straight and he realizes it’s because he has tears blurring his vision.  He wipes them away before gently lowering Jared to the mattress, giving his boyfriend a well-deserved break.  “You did it baby.”  He lets out a crazy laugh fueled by his happiness that the labor is _finally_ over and their son is here.

Jared is laugh-crying.  With Karen’s help, he takes the slippery baby into his arms and holds him against his chest.  He’s huge and quiet but his eyes are wide open and he squints them up at Jared.  Jared stops laughing and gives in to total crying, kissing his son’s head while holding onto him tightly.  “Oh, my god…you’re here.”  He looks up at Karen with appreciation and then sniffles towards Jensen.  “ _Finally_.”

Jensen can see a series of emotions playing out across Jared’s face.  He imagines his own face must look similar because he’s just been hit with so many thoughts and emotions that he doesn’t know how he’s still upright.  There’s no way he could have predicted the birth of his child would impact him so strongly.  Jared arches his neck in search of a kiss and Jensen gives it to him; gives him a kiss representing just how intense he feels right now.

Pulling away, Jared nuzzles the baby’s head to his cheek.  He’s covered in blood and fluids but he’s so happy that none of that matters.  Kissing the baby again, he blinks wet eyelashes at him.  “You are so worth it.”  His heart does a flip flop when Karen finally towels off the baby and his son lets out a loud cry.  “It’s really over?”  It’s a statement, but the exhaustion in Jared’s voice makes it come out like a question.

Karen laughs.  “Yes.  It’s over.  You did such an amazing job.”  She gives Jared a clean towel and helps the man tuck it around the squalling newborn.

Hitching on a sob, Jared searches Jensen out again.  “Jenny…”

“Right here, baby.”  Jensen is on his knees beside Jared, eyes never leaving his son.  “Hi, baby.  Hi, Ryder.”  It figures that a 5-minute-old baby would be the thing to bring Jensen to his knees.  He can’t even think straight and all he wants to do is hold onto Jared and get to know his son.  It’s weird, looking down at the baby, to think that he helped create Ryder, that he and Jared are now permanently mixed in the universe.  Ryder wails and it tugs on Jensen’s heart strings.  He is such a cute baby and Jensen is absolutely, positively, not being biased.  He is stating the unarguable truth.

Cupping Jared’s face with both hands, Jensen kisses the man deeply.  Their tear-streaked cheeks meet but they kiss between smiles and pants of air.  “I am so proud of you Jared.  So proud!  He’s gorgeous, just like you.”

Jared laughs and wipes away a tear with a free hand.  He’s exhausted but he’s running on an adrenaline high.  “So was that badass enough for you, Jenny?”

“Oh, hell yes.  That was badass enough for a lifetime.”  Jensen means it.  Jared is either bat shit crazy for doing what he just did or he’s just that hard core.

Things become a bit of a blur as Jared delivers the afterbirth and Karen checks him over.  He’s fine, thank goodness, and Ryder is perfect too.  They get Jared cleaned up, strip the bed, and tuck the new dad in with a bathed and diapered Ryder snuggled into the crook of his arm.  Jensen helps with that part, washing his son's little body, becoming awestruck by just how perfect a mix of his two parents he is.  Jensen also helps weigh him, leading to Jared’s jaw dropping.  The model can’t believe he just pushed a 9lb 10oz baby into the world on his own.

Jensen can.  He’s seen what Jared’s sheer determination can accomplish.

Karen fades into the background after a while, leaving the family to bond.

It’s strange to think about what has just happened in his New York City apartment.  Jensen would have never thought any of this would happen a year ago.  Instead, he’s saddled up beside Jared in bed, staring at the little being he created and helped deliver in the very same spot.  It seems otherworldly.

“Yes,” Jared breathes out softly.

“Huh?”  Drawn out of his musings, Jensen blinks at Jared.

“You asked me if I’d marry you.  I’m saying yes.”  He smiles softly, a tiredness lining his eyes but a spark of life still shining through.

“You’re saying yes?”  Jensen hops up onto his knees and sits back on his heels.  “You’re really saying yes?”

“I just said yes, didn’t I?”

Jensen hears Jared the first time, it’s just that he can’t believe he gets to have _this_.  He probably doesn’t deserve it.  He’s been a dick in the past, he’s lied – only once – and he doesn’t know how they got here.  Only, he does. 

He does know.

He knows Jared, for some reason, loves him and he knows he loves Jared just as much.  They may have started this whole roller-coaster ride off under false pretenses but it’s very real now.  They even each other out, ground each other.

Jared’s acceptance is a gift and he isn’t going to think twice about taking it.

He digs in his pocket and pulls out a seemingly simple ring.  It l _ooks_ simple but he knows Jared will pick up on the designer and just how much the damn thing cost.  Since Jared is holding Ryder with his right arm, it leaves his left hand free for Jensen to slip the ring on.

“Jared, I love you.”  He can’t find the brain power to say anything else as he watches Jared inspect his ringed finger.

“I love you right back.”  He raises his eyebrows in approval.  “Love this ring too.  And of course this kid who started this whole mess.  I love him too.”  He laughs and kisses Ryder’s dry tuft of hair.  Ryder makes a face and nuzzles more deeply into Jared’s hold.  “But, I hope you know _this_ ,” he gestures to his ring, “does not count as a ‘push present.’”

“No, of course not.”  Jensen twists and digs through his nightstand’s drawer.  “ _This_ counts as a ‘push present.’”  He holds out a set of keys towards Jared, the metal jingling as the keys clang together.

“Keys?”

“Yep.”

“To what?”  Jared gives Jensen a look of suspicion.

“A house,” Jensen replies, like the obvious answer it is.

Jared’s eyebrows rise before narrowing. “You bought me a _house_?”

“In France.  I bought you a house in France.”

“You bought me a house in France?”  The surprise in Jared’s voice is unmistakable.  The model has to swallow audibly before he can think straight again.

“Well, technically I bought _us_ a house in France.  You said you loved France…sooooo…”

Jared leans forward and silences Jensen with a kiss.  “You really _do_ love me.”

“Of course I do.  Never doubt it.”

“You going to write a song about it?” Jared teases but leans closer, finding a comfortable spot to rest his head on Jensen’s shoulder.

“I already did.  Wrote two, actually, and one about Ryder; it’s not finished yet because I wanted to wait till he was here but…yeah…”  He pauses to look down at their sleeping son.  “Ooh god, Jared, I sold out and wrote a ridiculous ballad about our son…”

“You did?”  Jared blinks up at Jensen.  “I want to hear it.  Will you sing it for us?”

And Jensen does.  It is a rough version, still needing fine tuning and reworking, but he sings the core of it to his _fiancé_ and son.  He and Jared both pretend nothing happened when his voice cracks and he tears up somewhere in the middle, but he presses forward and sings the song for his private audience.

In the end, Jared looks sated and pleased.  He also looks five minutes away from passing out but there’s a content feeling radiating from him.  “ _That_ was the best ‘push present’ of all.”

And it kind of is.  Because everything, every emotion, every detail in the song is what Jensen’s whole life is about.  It’s everything.  And he’s happy to know that Jared realizes it too and wants to experience it right alongside him.

Who knew a crazy impulse decision with a safety pin could lead to so much?

THE END


End file.
